Caveman Style

You've been P.C. in the bedroom long enough. Now it's time to step into the way-back machine -- set it to "B.C." -- and learn some no-holds-barred, bedrock-shaking moves.

You: man. Me: woman in age of feminism. Me teach you: Be responsive to my desires. Stay attuned to my subtle cues. Also: Stop hitting me with big club.

OK, you big galoot, you passed the test. Most men, in fact, have demonstrated considerable growth in the Paying Attention to Our Needs Dept. over the past three decades. But in this new millennium, where many Sex and the City-watching women are, blissfully, sexually liberated, we're noticing something: The blinders we put on you men are crimping our fun, too.

In other words, now that we women know you animals are safe to take into the park, we'd still like to be able to take you off-leash once in a while, if you know what I mean.

Most of my girlfriends feel the same way. Even as we want you to behave like an Amish candlemaker in polite company, once the lights are off, we secretly yearn for you to drag us into your cave, pound on your chest, and give us a little taste of primal passion. We want Caveman Sex.

So, what is Caveman Sex exactly? Well, it's not polite or P.C. It's not approved by the FDA or the FCC. It's not endorsed by Mothers Against Drank Driving (and certainly not by your mother). It's animal passion, the stuff our id desperately would have us do in a heartbeat before that old prude the superego puts the kibosh on it. We're talking dirty, nasty, tongue-to-tongue, eyeball-to-eyeball, tongue-to-eyeball sex. There should be begging, urging, ordering, screaming, and -- if you do it right -- maybe even a little weeping. It rewrites your modern-day sexual right-from-wrong book and suggests you channel your inner Bluto: Pull some hair, spank some fat, and act in ways that would sully your family name.

"A few years ago, I was dating this woman," recalls Luke, a 31-year-old actor in New York City, "and -- right in mid-sex -- she whispered in my ear, 'You can smack me right here, you know.' She took my hand and put it on her butt. I did as she said, and it was like a bolt of electricity went through us -- it took all my Zen powers not to release right then."

Caveman Sex goes against everything men have been taught since the dawn of feminism -- perhaps that is why it is so liberating for both partners. "Though there were certainly good intentions, the pendulum of sexual political correctness did swing a bit too far," notes sex therapist Sandor Gardos, founder of mypleasure.com. "And it took a lot of the spontaneity and fun out of sex. For a lot of women, it's exciting for the man to take more control, be more assertive, and get back to his inner caveman."

Of course, Caveman Sex should be performed only in a loving or friendly relationship -- not in a surprise attack in a frat house or on a bar pool table with Teamsters Local 173. But as long as the woman is willing to go along, you should feel free to reverse the evolutionary process. Cave in to it.

"Maybe not on the first date," says Gardos, "but when you've established trust, it's OK to get a little primal."

Before you free your Neanderthal, though, here are some tips on how best to introduce B.C. sex to P.C. sex.

• Don't go ape all at once. Change too quickly, and she'll just look at you and say, "All right, Hyde, what's with the hands -- and what'd you do with Jekyll?" Advises Gardos: "Incorporate what you can into your repertoire slowly. You don't suddenly have to have Crazy Sex Night."

• Pretend you're experiencing sex for the very first time --in recorded history. "My best experiences have been when I just lost myself in exploring her," says Ameen, a 24-year-old graphic designer from Berkeley, Calif. "Simple things like appreciating her skin more, maybe sniffing around her neck like a wild animal investigating a strange female, or licking body parts that usually aren't paid much attention -- upper chest, side of the torso, inner thigh -- are always winners."

• Don't take sex for granted. Use whatever fantasies you need to up the encounter's urgency. "Cavemen didn't live past their 30s," says Gardos. "If this was the last time you were going to do it before being devoured by a saber-toothed tiger, you'd do it all -- wouldn't you?"

• Give orders. Women will respond to a man who takes charge in the sack. "You don't have to-grunt or be rude if that's going to evoke a negative response," says Gardos. "You can simply bark, 'Scoot up' or 'Turn around.'"

• Liberate yourself from the awkwardness of the moment. "The biggest sex-killer is being too self-aware and judgmental during sex," says Gardos. "Quit worrying about what your face looks like, your breath smells like, your muscles feel like. Just be in the here-and-now." Jerry, 37, a lawyer in New York City, agrees: "If I'd been more comfortable with my deep sexuality, rather than self-conscious about whether I was doing it weird, I wouldn't have felt the need to have so many unsatisfying conquests. If I had realized my Caveman was OK, I'd have had better sex, guaranteed."

• Know when to put the club back into your closet. Too much of even a good thing like this can lose its novelty. "Women definitely don't want to be treated badly," say Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey of emandlo.com, authors of Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen. "Unless, that is, they have more baggage than a Boeing jet and more issues than Reader's Digest. There's nothing wrong with creating the illusion of adversity to spice up an otherwise 'nice' relationship -- but know that the bedroom is the only place 'bad' behavior will score you points." In other words, a caveman can still be a nice guy, albeit one who knows how to bite and spank.

Work these tips into your bedroom rotation and you'll soon be Capt. Caveman. The two of you will enjoy sex in a whole new way -- it could be the best discovery since fire!

Source: Men's Fitness