Five Tips for Making New Friends
"I'm going to a new school." When you read those words, did you feel excited? Or did you feel a sense of dread?
Like many teens starting a new school, Deonte, a 13-year-old from Garland, Texas, was anxious about his move.
"I had to go to a school where I didn't know anybody," says Deonte. "It was far away from where I lived. I was nervous about starting."
Whether you're moving to a new town or moving on to junior high, going to a new school can be scary. Fortunately, you don't need to worry or hide under your pillow, even if you're shy. Here are five tips to help you make new friends and feel confident at your new school.
Tip 1: Join in.
"It's normal to feel some anxiety when going to a new school," says James Crist, author of What to Do When You're Sad and Lonely. You'll feel less nervous if you jump right in and get involved. If your school has a new-student or buddy program, join it. It will give you a chance to connect with other students who are new to your school or to be paired with a current student who will help you learn the ropes.
Look into sports, clubs, and activities. You might even use this opportunity to try something new. Maybe you've always wanted to try acting or running for student government. Here's your chance!
Be open to making new connections. Catherine, a 14-year-old from Moorpark, Calif., knew plenty of people at her new school. But she didn't let that keep her from making new friends. "Even though my best friends were going to my new school, I still made the effort to get to know other people," says Catherine. "I didn't even have to try that hard. All I had to do was talk to people."
In addition, think beyond school. "Don't be afraid to put yourself out there!" says Courtney Macavinta, coauthor of Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect & Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed. "Go to your community center where lots of people gather for group activities and events. If you belong to a place of worship, consider joining its youth group."
Tip 2: Study with other students.
Joining sports, clubs, and activities is a great way to meet people, but make sure you leave time for homework! Why not try combining studying and making friends?
"Homework clubs and study groups allow you to stay on top of your work and make friends at the same time," says Erin Hanna, a seventh-grade teacher in Providence, R.I. "Approach other students and ask them to do homework together, or ask one of your teachers to help set up study groups."
Tip 3: Find common ground.
Do simple things, such as listen to conversations to find out which words are used--cool versus awesome or tight, for example. Where do students like to hang out and study? Use what you learn to find something to share with others.
Dan, a 14-year-old from Roseville, Minn., also recommends keeping humor in your back pocket when meeting new people. "When I joined a new basketball team, I felt uncomfortable at first," Dan says. "But I'm good at making jokes, so I used humor. It really helped me feel a part of the team and get to know my teammates."
Tip 4: Be the first to say hi.
Most people are shy, even if they don't seem that way--so be the first to break the ice. Smile and say hi.
You can do this, even if you're shy. I know. I used to be so shy that I sat on the floor of the car whenever I went out with my parents. I was terrified of being called on in class. Sometimes I even missed the bus on purpose so I could avoid seeing my classmates. But one day while walking to school by myself, I realized how lonely I felt.
I decided it was time to change my ways. Each day, I wrote down the names of all the people I said hi to between classes. My goal was to add three new names each day. Although it seems simple now, it was really hard to do then. But once I got the hang of it, saying hi became easy.
Tip 5: Don't be someone you're not.
It's true--new students often get a lot of attention. But it's best not to pretend to be different than you really are just to be noticed. You don't want to get stuck in an act all year. "Don't rush it," says Candida Gonzalez, a teacher at El Colegio Charter School in Minneapolis. "Making friends takes time. Most people don't make new friends instantly. It's best to take your time and find friends who like you for who you really are."
Remember, you're not nearly as alone as you might feel. Everyone worries about fitting in. Sylvia Rimm surveyed more than 5,400 middle school students for her book Growing Up Too Fast: The Rimm Report on the Secret Lives of America's Middle Schoolers. She says that "more kids expressed worries about popularity than almost anything else."
There's no need for you to stress out. As Deonte learned, all you have to do to make friends is be yourself. "Just go up and talk to people," he says. "It's much easier to be yourself than it is to act like other people and try to fit in."
Search Me
To learn more about how to make new friends at a new school, go to http://www.pamf.org/teen/ http://www.teenhealth.org/
Pocket Guide to Making New Friends
Like many teens starting a new school, Deonte, a 13-year-old from Garland, Texas, was anxious about his move.
"I had to go to a school where I didn't know anybody," says Deonte. "It was far away from where I lived. I was nervous about starting."
Whether you're moving to a new town or moving on to junior high, going to a new school can be scary. Fortunately, you don't need to worry or hide under your pillow, even if you're shy. Here are five tips to help you make new friends and feel confident at your new school.
Tip 1: Join in.
"It's normal to feel some anxiety when going to a new school," says James Crist, author of What to Do When You're Sad and Lonely. You'll feel less nervous if you jump right in and get involved. If your school has a new-student or buddy program, join it. It will give you a chance to connect with other students who are new to your school or to be paired with a current student who will help you learn the ropes.
Look into sports, clubs, and activities. You might even use this opportunity to try something new. Maybe you've always wanted to try acting or running for student government. Here's your chance!
Be open to making new connections. Catherine, a 14-year-old from Moorpark, Calif., knew plenty of people at her new school. But she didn't let that keep her from making new friends. "Even though my best friends were going to my new school, I still made the effort to get to know other people," says Catherine. "I didn't even have to try that hard. All I had to do was talk to people."
In addition, think beyond school. "Don't be afraid to put yourself out there!" says Courtney Macavinta, coauthor of Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect & Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed. "Go to your community center where lots of people gather for group activities and events. If you belong to a place of worship, consider joining its youth group."
Tip 2: Study with other students.
Joining sports, clubs, and activities is a great way to meet people, but make sure you leave time for homework! Why not try combining studying and making friends?
"Homework clubs and study groups allow you to stay on top of your work and make friends at the same time," says Erin Hanna, a seventh-grade teacher in Providence, R.I. "Approach other students and ask them to do homework together, or ask one of your teachers to help set up study groups."
Tip 3: Find common ground.
Do simple things, such as listen to conversations to find out which words are used--cool versus awesome or tight, for example. Where do students like to hang out and study? Use what you learn to find something to share with others.
Dan, a 14-year-old from Roseville, Minn., also recommends keeping humor in your back pocket when meeting new people. "When I joined a new basketball team, I felt uncomfortable at first," Dan says. "But I'm good at making jokes, so I used humor. It really helped me feel a part of the team and get to know my teammates."
Tip 4: Be the first to say hi.
Most people are shy, even if they don't seem that way--so be the first to break the ice. Smile and say hi.
You can do this, even if you're shy. I know. I used to be so shy that I sat on the floor of the car whenever I went out with my parents. I was terrified of being called on in class. Sometimes I even missed the bus on purpose so I could avoid seeing my classmates. But one day while walking to school by myself, I realized how lonely I felt.
I decided it was time to change my ways. Each day, I wrote down the names of all the people I said hi to between classes. My goal was to add three new names each day. Although it seems simple now, it was really hard to do then. But once I got the hang of it, saying hi became easy.
Tip 5: Don't be someone you're not.
It's true--new students often get a lot of attention. But it's best not to pretend to be different than you really are just to be noticed. You don't want to get stuck in an act all year. "Don't rush it," says Candida Gonzalez, a teacher at El Colegio Charter School in Minneapolis. "Making friends takes time. Most people don't make new friends instantly. It's best to take your time and find friends who like you for who you really are."
Remember, you're not nearly as alone as you might feel. Everyone worries about fitting in. Sylvia Rimm surveyed more than 5,400 middle school students for her book Growing Up Too Fast: The Rimm Report on the Secret Lives of America's Middle Schoolers. She says that "more kids expressed worries about popularity than almost anything else."
There's no need for you to stress out. As Deonte learned, all you have to do to make friends is be yourself. "Just go up and talk to people," he says. "It's much easier to be yourself than it is to act like other people and try to fit in."
Search Me
To learn more about how to make new friends at a new school, go to http://www.pamf.org/teen/ http://www.teenhealth.org/
Pocket Guide to Making New Friends
• Keep your eyes open.
Watch other kids during the first few days for clues on how to fit in. But don't lose your sense of self.
• Be friendly, Smile. Say hi.
You don't have to entertain people; just be willing to break the ice. Sometimes all it takes is a smile or a friendly hello.
• Wait before you go out and buy new things.
Styles may be different from what you're used to. But don't waste money buying things just to fit in. Real friends will like you for you.
• Join a club or team.
Find people who enjoy the things you do. It's much easier to feel you fit in with others if you share common interests.
• Keep in touch with old friends.
E-mails and phone calls to old friends can help you feel less lonely.
By: Bachel, Beverly K., Current Health 1, Sep2006
posted by James at 1:16 AM
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