How to exit a job without feeling awkward or burning your bridges

I cringe when I remember how I quit my first job.

The summer between 10th and 11th grades, I was a desk clerk at a swim and tennis club. The work was a breeze: answering the phones, greeting and checking in guests, and taking reservations for the tennis courts. Outside of these obligations, I was free to kick back, enjoy the sunshine, listen to whatever music struck my fancy, and eat frozen Charleston Chews from the snack bar. I could even take a dip in the pool in my off-hours. It was a pretty sweet job.

But as the summer wore on, a problem arose. My work area suffered a plague of obnoxious pre teen kids. Despite the fact that they had a pool, tennis courts, a snack bar, and swarms of other kids to keep them entertained, their preferred activity was hanging around my desk and bugging me. They'd nag me with ridiculous questions, deface my court reservation sheet, and shoot spitballs at me from the straws of their icy cups of Coke. In short: They drove me crazy.

A couple of weeks before the season ended, and with it my job, I decided I just couldn't take it a minute longer. Looking back, the scenario doesn't seem like such a big deal, but the person I was at the time was at the end of her rope. I had to quit.

And then I did a very bad thing.

I wrote a long, colorful, dramatic treatise titled "I QUIT!" In it, I enumerated all the reasons I was outtathere. Mostly, it was an inventory of the club kids' offenses, but to boost my argument, I also tossed in some lame external factors, like "I need to get ready for the start of school." Satisfied that I'd covered all my bases, I hung the unedited outpourings of my brain on the wall of the club office. Let's repeat that: on the wall of the club office.

Big mistake. Not only was I completely unprofessional, I also opened myself up for serious mocking by my coworkers. They picked up their own pens and ripped apart all my silly reasons for leaving my job. "I need to get ready for the start of school" was met with "It takes 20 minutes to buy a notebook and pens!" Um … good point.

My awkward exit left the club shorthanded. My fellow desk staffers--also my friends--had to pick up my slack and take on double shifts after I flounced off the job. But they assured me they were happy for the extra spending money, so what really sticks in my craw about the whole situation is how poorly I handled the actual quitting part.

Leaving Bridges Unburned
Why does it matter how you quit a job? After all, the result is the same--you're gone. History. Finito.

Or are you?

A poor exit can come back to haunt you in ways that you don't quite consider in the heat of the quitting moment. Consider the consequences.

* Getting references. Whether for another job or for college, you'll need professional references for the rest of your working life. Leaving a positive and professional final impression helps lock in a good recommendation for your next job (and the one after that, and …).

* Networking. If you have a positive relationship with your boss from beginning to end, it could pay off in the future as you build your career. "You don't know who that supervisor or manager knows," says Barbara Dwyer, CEO of the Job Journey, an organization that helps teens prepare for the working world. Even if your after-school, part-time job at the doughnut shop isn't related to your long-term career plans, the manager might just have a brother or friend in a field you do want to explore in the future. That manager becomes a key figure in your network.

* Going back. Back? To that job you quit? Crazy talk, right? Well, not necessarily. People change. Situations change. "I've had many crew members that end up coming back because they think there's something better out there, but they actually find that working at Cold Stone was a good job," says Tiffany Blakely, a manager for Cold Stone Creamery in Scottsdale, Ariz., who has worked with nearly 100 teens. Leaving well gives a returning employee an edge in securing a position.

* Having good karma. It's early in your working life, and you can't predict whom you will work with in the future. It might be the person you stomped out on mid-shift. "This is a very small world," notes Dwyer. "The [person] you snub today may be your boss tomorrow."

Don't. Just … Don't.
Here's what not to do when quitting a job:

* Don't leave without notice. Two weeks' notice is standard. Two seconds' notice is inexcusable. "One of the worst ways to leave is not showing up for a busy shift when [you're] scheduled," says Blakely.

* Don't make a scene. You might be tempted to tell a manager where to stick his spatula, but take a deep breath, count to 10, and stay cool--at least until you're outside of hearing range? People tend to remember a dramatic exit--and not necessarily in a fond way.

* Don't take the passive route. "I've had crew members just slack off in hopes of getting fired," says Blakely. "That can be really frustrating to an employer."

* Don't leave the dirty work to someone else. Blakely says she's fielded phone calls from parents telling her that their son or daughter is no longer working for her.

A Better Exit Strategy
By now you're an expert on the awkward, bridge-burning exit. Here are more-professional, face-saving ways to move on.

* Be clear about your commitment when you take the job. If you know that you can stay on board for only a summer or until basketball season begins, be clear about that when you apply for the job. "It's an understanding up front, and it takes the tension out of it," says Blakely. If you're good, a manager may hire you anyway, even knowing that your time on the job is finite. Dwyer once hired a teen worker who was clear that he could work for only three months. "I loved his attitude," Dwyer reports. The worker excelled on the job. "Guess what? [Later,] he got his job back."

* Talk to the boss. If there is something you don't like about the job, your manager may be able to help out. "It's really important for [workers] to communicate and be up front with their manager," says Blakely. "I've been able to accommodate people to keep them. If it's somebody who's valuable, I definitely will do whatever it takes."

Further, if you don't talk to your boss, he or she may assume that the problem lies with you--that you couldn't handle the job or that you didn't take it seriously.

What about my own former boss, whose swim club I left in a flurry of angst? "We thought you were nuts," declares Bruce Cutter, still the manager of the club. He added that if I'd talked to him and explained the problems I was having with the club kids, he might have been able to fix the situation. "I probably thought you couldn't handle the job," he says now. However, if I'd stuck it out, he probably would have thought I'd done a fine job.

Given the way I left, though, what would've happened if I'd used him as a reference for another job? (Which, as it turned out, I did not.) "I'd have given you a lukewarm reference," Cutter admits.

* Put it in writing. In a brief letter, thank your manager for the opportunity, and let him or her know the date of your last day at work. Give it to the boss privately. Keep in mind that a letter is no substitute for talking to your manager.

* Give ample notice. Two weeks' notice is standard. Three weeks' notice is generous and is likely to make your manager happy.

* Replace yourself. If you want out, perhaps you have an able and willing friend who wants in. Recommending your bud can be a big help to a busy manager, and Blakely says it's one of the best things you can do when leaving a job. "I think that shows a lot of professionalism," she says.

What If It's a Really Bad Situation?
The hours are unbearable. Your coworkers are weird. Your boss is a jerk, and you don't ever want to use her as a reference. The job leaves you with no energy for your schoolwork. You want out--now. What then?

Check with an objective third party to make sure you're not misreading the situation. Then, if the job just isn't salvageable, Dwyer says, "politely tell the manager what steps [you've] taken to try to rectify the problem and that it would be in the best interest for the business … to separate immediately."

Quitting a job with grace can help you both immediately and in the future, as you take on new jobs and your network begins to grow. Leaving a positive impression with a manager is an investment in that network. Leaving a bad impression may result in a lost opportunity for you.

By: Flounders, Ann, Career World, Sep2006