Psychology of Fear

Are you afraid? Are you ruining your today by worrying about tomorrow? Man is tormented by endless types of fears. What if I get high blood pressure? What if I get caught by customs? What will happen when I become old? What will happen to my children?

Man is constantly burdened by the weight of such fears. If you want to experience happiness in life, then you will have to become fearless. Man is unhappy from worrying about tomorrow than he is from the unhappiness of today.

Fear and reality are two different things. Fear is an imagination of the mind or an illness of a weak mind, whereas reality is the truth of life.

The Best Ways to Say I Love You

By Diven Laxman

Have you ever felt at a loss for words or ways to describe your feelings for your partner? At some point in any relationship the need for a sentimental or unique way to say I love you comes up. With this in mind we asked Lovingyou.com members what their favorite way to say I love you was. Below is a few of our favorite ideas! I'd also like to send a special thank you to every one who submitted their response! :)
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Place notes in your lover's lunch telling him how much you love him.

Page you sweetheart with an I Love You page.

Give her a soft kiss.

Make everyday things special.

Give your love a little note or sending him an e-mail with a poem in it.

Listen to her every word.

Making a list of everything you love about them. No matter how stupid.

Spend quality time with the one you love.

Have flowers delivered with a note attached saying simply, "I love you."

Give unexpected hugs and kisses in unexpected places.

Cook them their favorite meal.

Hold each other when you fall asleep.

Just be together.

Give your love a long hard kiss on the lips, followed by a gift.

Sending romantic postcards on a daily basis.

Get off work early and surprise your sweetheart with a dozen roses and dinner, just because.

Spend all week thinking of something special for the weekend and then... do it!

Give him a loving smile from across the room.

Draw or obtain a new romantic picture of two lovers in each others grasp and give it to your love as a reminder of your passion.

If you live quite a distance from your love, surprise them with a visit.

When she is asleep in the morning, cover her with rose petals and wake her up to an I love you breakfast in bed.

Secretly write S-H-M-I-L-Y anywhere your lover will find it. SHMILY= See How Much I Love You.

Rub your nose on your sweetheart's nose!

Grab him by the waist, pulling him towards you, then softly touching his lips with yours.

Have a romantic weekend.

For a week, smothering your spouse with all the small intimate things they like.
Do a simple act of kindness, such as a backrub when he feels sick, to brighten his day.

Make a big sign (like the ones you use for demonstrations) quoting "Did my heart love 'til now? Forswear it sight, for I never saw true beauty 'til this night."

Make a web page for your girlfriend to tell her how much you love her.

Write long, erotic letters where you describe how much you love them.
Just Say It...
Whisper I love you in his ear while dancing a romantic slow melody.

Sitting outside under that stars and say, "I have never felt so special before... I owe this to you. I love you."

Creep up on your lover and whisper I love you in their ear.

In the middle of your partner's conversation with someone else, lean over and whisper I love you in their ear.

Scream I love you (name here) on a rollercoaster ride.

When you know it will be your partner on the phone say I love you right when you answer it.

Look into her eyes, hold her hands and then silently whisper I love you.

When you are doing an everyday thing, just look at him, and lean over, give him a little peck and say I love you.
The best idea was summed up in following user's comment: The best way of saying I love you is showing it every moment, with every action, look, movement, kiss or words.

Always Look for Simple Solutions

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty.

Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty.

Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution.

He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line.
He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Very Actually

Chanakya Quotes

A man is great by deeds, not by birth.
A person should not be too honest. Just as straight trees. Are chopped-down first, honest people are taken advantage of first.

Variant: A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first.

A rich man has many friends.

A woman is four times as shy, six times as brave and eight times as lusty as a man.

An egoist can be won over by being respected, a crazy person can be won over by allowing him to behave in an insane manner and a wise person can be won over by truth.

As centesimal droppings will fill a pot so also are knowledge, virtue and wealth gradually obtained.

As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.

Avoid him who talks sweetly before you but tries to ruin you behind your back, for he is like a pitcher of poison with milk on top.


Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions
— Why am I doing it? What the results might be? And Will I be successful?
Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.

Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth.

Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.

God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple.

He who befriends a man whose conduct is vicious, whose vision impure, and who is notoriously crooked, is rapidly ruined.

If you get to learn something even from the worst of creatures, don't hesitate.

In a state where the ruler lives like a common man, the citizens live like kings do. And in the state where the ruler lives like a king, the citizens live like beggars do.

Jealousy is another name for failure.

Never go on a long journey alone.

Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status.
Such friendships will never give you any happiness.

Once you start working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.

One who is in search of knowledge should give up the search of pleasure and the one who is in search of pleasure should give up the search of knowledge.

The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody.
It will destroy you.

The four greatest enemies of a man are — the father who has taken a loan, the characterless mother, the beautiful but promiscuous wife and the stupid child.

The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions.

The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.

There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.

Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.

Whores don't live in company of poor men, birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits and citizens never support a weak administration.

Wise men should never go into a country where there are no means of earning one's livelihood, where the people have no dread of anybody, have no sense of shame, no intelligence, or a charitable disposition.

Effective Business Letter Writing

A good Business Letter can open up new channels of Business. A well-written application letter may increase the chances of getting well-paid job. On the other hand, badly conducted correspondence can easily harm to any business. The ability to effectively communicate in writing is essential for professional success.

It is rightly said that a man's personality is often reflected in his letters. Think what a good impression made on others by decent correspondence can do to your own business. To be a capable correspondent, is a sign, the hall-mark of a good businessman.
Fortunately, so far as business is concerned, the ability to write a good letter, is a matter of accomplishment & training rather that a gift of nature. The art of writing effective business letter writing is definitely worth acquiring.

Self-discipline:

Self-discipline is the final step that takes all that we have learned and puts it into action. This is a trait that for most of us has to be developed. To reach our goals we must visualize them as already being accomplished and have faith that we can reach them. When you believe in and trust yourself and have enough desire, self-discipline comes easily.

Do What Needs to be Done:

Do what has to be done to get to where you want to go. Whether it is a mundane task or internal work, putting it off gets us nowhere. You are either going forward or falling behind; there is no such thing as standing still. Sometimes when we work on ourselves we stop when we get to a place that we need to change. Change can be difficult when we have to step out of our comfort zone. The more change is needed the more difficult it is.

Manage Your Time:

We all have the same amount of time to use in a day. Why do some people a lot done while others do very little? You have complete control of how much time you spend productively and how much you waste. Plan your days and prioritize your time to get the most out of the time you have. Use time-wasters like standing in line or waiting in a doctor's office to catch up on reading or something else that is important to you.

Take Action:

Goals are worthless without action. If you have written long-term and short-term goals and prioritized them, you have a plan of action. Just take it one step at a time and do something everyday that takes you closer to where you want to be. Remember however, to live in the present and be thankful for what you have now, enjoying the journey toward your goals. Read more information at : http://online-articles.org/coaching/site-map.php

Set Goals:

In order to get what you really want you must start by setting goals. Goals fuel your intent and make your desires concrete. Start by writing the goals for this year in area of personal relationships, work, health, finances and spirituality. List five goals in each category (add more categories if you like). Then break them down into monthly and then weekly goals. Focusing on what you intend in your life will bring it to reality. You create your life ? So start now by setting your goals.

Decide what motivates you:

If tomorrow you knew you could do anything and not fail what would you do? Is there something you are passionate about but are afraid of trying? If you have no idea what your passion is spend some time reflecting on it. To start, write down the types of activities you like to do and the types of activities (hobbies) that make you feel good when you do them. What are your special skills and talents ? Don't be shy ? Usually if it's something we like to do we are probably good at it. What inspires you?

Get in touch with your values:

When we feel like we are working hard but not getting anywhere it is probably because our priorities are not aligned with our values. To begin identifying your values ask yourself these questions:

What is important to me? Wisdom, freedom, happiness, equality, security, self-respect, romantic love, money, power, comfortable living, fresh air, beauty, controlling others, etc. Rate these values.

Who is important to me?

What or who is most important? Be honest with yourself.

What do I need to do to feel good about myself?

How would you feel if someone you respect knew this was one of your values?

Would you stick by this value?

Is it who you are?

How is this value affecting your life?

Make a list of your 10 top values. Of that 10 choose 4 and of the 4 choose your top two. From this exercise you will see where you need to focus your time and effort.

Put what where? 2,000 years of bizarre sex advice

Tight corsets cause nymphomania, orgasms can kill and wasps are a turn-on.
John Naish looks at the top sex advice over the ages

Mating. Reproduction. Nothing is more crucial to humanity's survival, so it would be logical to expect us to have got it sussed early in our evolution. But since the start of civilisation, the fundamentals of human sex -where to put it, how and when -have been absurdly confused by a parade of moralists, pundits and visionaries all claiming to know the magic secrets and only too happy to pass them on at a very reasonable price.

Just as every generation thinks that it invented sex, we also think we invented lovemaking manuals, or at least based them on a few prototypes such as the Kamasutra and Marie Stopes's 1918 Married Love. But today's maelstrom of books, videos and DVDs has a far richer, more twisted heritage than that.

The tradition of bestselling love guides goes back to the Ancient Chinese. Our earliest known manuals were first written in 300BC and buried in a family tomb at Mawangdui, in Hunan province. Recent translation reveals the timeless nature of the subjects they tackled.

Written as Cosmo coverlines, they would look like this: Four Seasons of Sex and Why Autumn is Hot, Hot, Hot; Wild New Positions; Tiger Roving, Gibbon Grabbing and Fish Gobbling; Aphrodisiacs to Keep You Up All Night! Plus Exclusive! Your Love Route to Immortality.

As ever, it was all nonsense: home-made Viagra recipes involved ingredients such as beetle larvae, wasps and dried snails. The books also promised that any man who had sex with a different virgin every night for 100 nights without ejaculating would live for ever (albeit rather uncomfortably).

These odd beginnings set a trend: weird tips from strange authors, many of whom became manual martyrs. Ovid, the Roman poet, advised women on the best positions to suit their bodies in his poem Ars Amatoria. For example: "If you are short, go on top/If you're conspicuously tall, kneel with your head turned slightly sideways." The prudish Emperor Augustus banished poor Ovid to a chilly outpost of empire (a small town on the Black Sea in modern Romania).

Medieval European sex advice followed the strait-laced trend: most of it said "don't". Pleasure paved Hell's roads and misogynistic manuals such as De Secretis Mulierum (The Secrets of Women) claimed that females used sex to drain men of their power and that some hid sharp shards of iron inside themselves to injure innocent lovers.

A technological breakthrough in the Renaissance put us back on our lascivious tracks. The printing press enabled publishers to churn out dodgy books faster than the Church authorities could ban them.

Readers were treated to gems such as Mrs Isabella Cortes's handy hint from 1561 that a mixture of quail testicles, large-winged ants, musk and amber was perfect for straightening bent penises. The era also brought us the earliest recorded recommendation of slippers as a sex aid ("Cold feet are a powerful hindrance to coition," warned Giovanni Sinibaldi in his 1658 book Rare Verities.) But to find history's oddest advisers, we must look to the Victorians and Edwardians. William Chidley, for example, believed that he could best promote his ideas by walking around in a toga. Chidley, an Australian, advised readers in his 1911 pamphlet The Answer that heavy clothing caused erections, which would lead to sexual overexcitement, illness and death, as well as being "ugly things" of which "we are all ashamed". He urged people to live on fruit and nuts and to practise a method of flaccid intercourse apparently based on horses' sex lives. Yet it wasn't his ideas that got him repeatedly arrested, but his silk toga, which the authorities thought indecent. After his death, supporters continued propounding his theories into the 1920s.

For the ultimate proof that you don't need relevant qualifications to become a world expert, we turn to Marie Stopes. She was married and in her late thirties when she wrote one of Britain's most enduring sex guides, Married Love. But she was also a virgin.

Stopes was inspired by her betrothal to Reginald "Ruggles" Gates, whom, she told a divorce court, had failed ever to become "effectively rigid". When Married Love hit the shelves early in 1918 it outsold the bestselling contemporary novels by a huge margin. By 1925, sales had passed the half-million mark.

Stopes was a fan of Hitler's eugenics and arrogant enough to offer Rudyard Kipling and George Bernard Shaw advice on writing. Her main sex-manual innovation was a theory that women have a "sex tide" of passion that ebbs and flows on a fortnightly basis -and woe betide the man who didn't understand this.

In case her second husband, the manufacturing magnate Humphrey Verdon Roe, got it wrong, she made him sign a contract releasing her to have sex with other men.

So that's our sexual forebears, a weird lot with funny ideas. Compared with them we might appear at the zenith of sexual enlightenment. Our age is remarkable for the sheer volume of sex advice being consumed: one woman in four now owns a sex manual, says a survey by the publishers Dorling Kindersley.

Everyone from porn stars to the car-manual firm Haynes has one out. Well, I wonder. In 50 years' time, I foresee the students at a university faculty of sexual semiotics studying the early Twenty-Ohs with the same mirth, incredulity and horror that shake us when we consider our ancestors' obsessions. Perhaps they will wonder why we bought so many manuals, videos and DVDs but seemed to have so little time or energy left for sex.

Maybe they will link our obsession with orgasms to our endless need to go shopping. They might also connect our avid consumption of sex advice to our growing terror of personal embarrassment and "getting it wrong". They may even have a name for us; perhaps the erotic neurotics.

Wisdom of the ancients

How to pull

"Pick the woman's worst feature and then make it appear desirable. Tell an older woman that she looks young. Tell an ugly woman that she looks 'fascinating'. " Philaenis, papyrus sex manual (2BC)

Go blondes!

"All women are lascivious but auburn blondes the most. A little straight forehead denotes an unbridled appetite in lust."

Giovanni Sinibaldi, Rare Verities: the Cabinet of Venus Unlock'd (1658)

Buns and corsets cause nymphomania

"Constricting the waist by corsets prevents the return of blood to the heart, overloads sexual organs and causes unnatural excitement of the sexual system. The majority of women follow the goddess fashion and so also wear their hair in a heavy knot. This great pressure on their small brains produces great heat and chronic inflammation of their sexual organs. It is almost impossible that such women should lead other than a life of sexual excess."

Dr John Cowan, The Science of a New Life (1888)

On the other hand ...

"The majority of women (happily for them) are not very much troubled with sexual feelings of any kind."

Dr William Acton, Functions and Disorders of the Reproductive Organs (1858)

Indian enlargement

"Rub your penis with the bristles of certain insects that live in trees, and then, after rubbing it for ten nights with oils, rub it with the bristles as before.

Swelling will be gradually produced. Then lie on a hammock with a hole in it and hang the penis through the hole. Take away the pain from the swelling by using cool concoctions. The swelling lasts for life."

Kamasutra, translated by Sir Richard Burton and F. F. "Bunny" Arbuthnot (1883)

Climaxes can kill

"Fainting, vomiting, involuntary urination, epilepsy and defecation have occurred in young men after first coitus. Lesions of various organs have taken place...

In elderly men the excitement of intercourse with young wives or prostitutes has caused death."

Havelock Ellis, Psychology of Sex: a Manual for Students (1933)

How often?

"The ordinary man can safely indulge about four times a month. More than that would be excess for a large majority of civilised men and women."

Lyman B. Sperry, Confidential Talks

with Husband and Wife: a Book of Information and Advice for the Married and Marriageable (1900)

And, if you can't find it, don't worry

"The clitoris, while important, is not nearly as important as many of us have been taught or led to believe."

Edward Podolsky, Sex Technique for Husband and Wife (1947)

But whatever you do ...

"Never fool around sexually with a vacuum cleaner."

Dr Alex Comfort, The Joy of Sex (1972)

Source: Times, The (United Kingdom)

Seminal Ideas

Biologically deterministic arguments have always been pressed into use by those who wish to explain human sexual behaviour while maintaining the status quo. Biological determinism is, in fact, the Daily Mail of scientific inquiry -- full of bogus notions about female fidelity versus male promiscuity (it's only fair, you see; he's got more sperm than she could ever use) and the evils of homosexuality (it's against nature, because we were put on earth to make babies). Clearly, the randier strand of Homo sapiens has never been put off by hoary old nonsense extrapolated from the behaviour of voles, but it remains the case that determinists have rarely been fought on their own terms.

Well, now the conservatives have had their day, and it's time for the libertines to start justifying themselves with reference to the bunny wabbits. Judson -- or Dr Tatiana, as she unfathomably prefers to be known -- is an unusually accessible biologist. Her two core interests are infidelity and homosexuality. We start with my favourite theory (I believe this is a favourite among all females): that most species have more to gain from slapper ladies than slapper gentlemen, owing to the superior quality of babies that are the result of a fierce competition in the Fallopian region. This, to be frank, has been common knowledge since Robin Baker's seminal Sperm Wars (forgive that) six years ago, but it's no less enjoyable for that.

To prove the thesis, Judson sifts deftly through about 17 more species than you've ever heard of. Her central conceit -- that the tiny beasties are all little people who have written letters to her -- I found rather cloying. The chapters all kick off "Dear Dr Tatiana, I'm a splendid fairy wren!" and, if you think that's bad, try it with some alliteration: "Dear Dr Tatiana, I'm a furious fruit fly!"

At the end of the book, she changes tack to deal with the asexual bdelloid rotifer, which is represented as a guest on The Jerry Springer Show. This is quite annoying as well (when will people understand that you can't parody bad TV unless you actually watch it?). There is some serious overwriting, which diminishes both the pace and vim of this enthusiastic biologist.

That said, Dr Tats has a very generous tone, and despatches old-fashioned notions with authoritative kindness -- Bateman, the originator of the men-naughty-women-good model, was simply using the wrong kind of fruit fly for his experiments (a bit like Kinsey and his wrong-sorts-of-prostitutes). Tatiana explains this very pleasantly, where a lesser lady-scientist might scoff. She is also unshakeable in her belief that the juxtaposition of a jaunty conversational tone and dirty words cannot fail to be amusing, and I'm with her on that. "After sex," she writes, in reference to the tropical cockroach, "females feast on anal secretions produced by their mates, eaten right off the plate, so to speak."

There is clarity here; she would never let a bit of homosexuality or incest go without explaining exactly how it survives natural selection, producing as it does no (or rubbish) offspring. The main quibble I'd have with the book lies in its thoroughness -- no species with any claim to sexual idiosyncrasy is left unexamined. In consequence, you find every conceivable permutation of male-and female-offspring behaviour here. Some are monogamous, some are promiscuous, some stun one another with hormones, some explode after birthing, some sex up their sisters, and so on, ad infinitum. The problem lies precisely with this variety -- if the layman is ever to be all that interested in the sexual vicissitudes of the scallop, it has to be because they relate to those of human beings in some way. And because this book supplies such endless possibilities, there is no final evolutionary truth from which you could extrapolate any behaviour. All you're left with is an awful lot of facts, and a couple of truisms -- one, all behaviour evolves for the furtherance of the species; two, that does not necessarily mean that homosexuality is weird, or that men have the upper hand.

This is an invaluable addition to any debate about sexual or reproductive ethics, one of those books that had to be written, but nobody should have to read.

By: Williams, Zoe, New Statesman

Brushing All Forty-Two Teeth

You're probably used to brushing a mouth containing 28 teeth, but how about a mouth containing 42 teeth? If you have a dog that you care about, you really should be brushing all 42 of its teeth too.

Because healthy dogs are living longer than ever before, it's important to make sure that their teeth last as long as they do. All dogs should have a dental checkup as part of their annual veterinary exam. In between exams, it's up to you and your family to make sure your dog's teeth stay healthy.

If you have a puppy, start by massaging his mouth with your finger. l et him get used to having something in his mouth that he doesn't chew or swallow. Next, wrap gauze around your finger and gently rub your l dog's teeth. When his adult teeth appear, start using a small toothbrush. There's even special beef- and chicken-flavored, doggy toothpaste to help make tooth-brushing a tasty treat!

If you have an older dog, it may take a little longer for him to accept a l tooth-brushing. If he absolutely will not allow you to put the toothbrush in his mouth, use a moist gauze strip dipped in baking soda to gently scrub around the gum line. The trick is to be more patient and persistent l hen your dog is! Veterinarians guarantee that your dog will be healthier as a result. Isn't that what being a responsible pet owner is all about?

By: Liesenfeld, Winnie, Geographical

Sex Advice

ANTHROPOMORPHISM — ascribing human thoughts and motivations to the actions of other species — used to be the dirtiest word in the animal behaviourist's dictionary. Not any more. Dr Tatiana brings us a catalogue of vices that would bring a blush to the cheeks of even the most depraved Homo sapiens.

There is nothing in the kaleidoscope of human sexual behaviour that other creatures great and small haven't tried out before, she says. Across the animal kingdom there is widespread homosexuality, rampant nymphomania, troilism, incest… and a male praying mantis's concept of the term “giving head” makes any other definition seem tame.

Dr Tatiana is a fictional agony aunt dispensing advice on sexual etiquette to the love sick and baffled. Only her “readers” are, for example, a nervous female golden potto (a simple bushbaby-like primate) disturbed by the enormous spines on her boyfriend's member; or a sensitive male Australian seaweed fly dismayed at the aggressive wooing demanded by prospective mates.

The idea is original, clever and will ensure that Judson's explanations of the evolution of sex and sexuality will reach a much wider audience than other more academic texts. But does it work? Up to a point.

Undoubtedly, the science is well researched, tightly argued, sometimes funny and often very enlightening. Judson points out some uncomfortable facts that may cause many to look at their own relationships in a different light. For example, even among those species like gibbons or many songbirds, that were once believed to mate for life, true monogamy is rare. So rare that it is one of the most deviant behaviours in biology, she asserts.

What scientific credentials does she have to make such a claim? They are certainly pretty impressive — Judson studied at Oxford University with the renowned evolutionary biologist Bill Hamilton and is now a research fellow at Imperial College, London.

But in between she worked on the science staff of The Economist and has adopted the supercilious prose style characteristic of that magazine.

That seems to be the main problem with this book — it is too smart for its own good. The trickery starts to annoy long before the final, ill-judged chapter. That is a fantasy about a daytime television show in the Jerry Springer mould with a live audience of creatures on various rungs of the evolutionary ladder. They all whoop derision at the only organism that completely eschews sex, the bdelloid rotifer (a microscopic creature that lives in damp moss). The chapter reviews the theories to explain the selective advantages of sexual reproduction and has some interesting points to make. But it's a huge relief when the credits roll — like sex, gimmicks can really tire you out.

By: Bonner, John, New Scientist

Chill Baby

Ultramarathon mountain biker, multiple Iditabike winner, manly hardguy John Stamstad ain't like you and me. There's this piece of advice for riding in the cold, for instance: "View cold as a challenge instead of a curse. As a competitive advantage. Look at it as, `Hey, it's 10 degrees below zero and nobody else is outside riding.'"

Sure, John. How about some advice regular people can use?

DRESS FOR SUCCESS: "Cold is relative. It's relative to how you dress and how you perceive it. The most cold I ever was in my life was when I got caught in a 40-degree rainstorm with the wrong garb. If you dress smart you can ride in just about anything. Because temperatures can change so much during one ride I try to come up with a system that works in most any winter temperature. like to be able to just quickly ventilate, or add or remove a layer and increase my comfort range by 20 degrees or so. That's the key."

BREATHING LESSONS: "Especially if it's super, super cold, breathability becomes key issue No. 1 for your clothing. The colder it is, the drier it is and you have that ratio--the difference between the air inside your clothing and the air outside, so you really need to get rid of moisture. If you don't, you get ice built up, and if your jacket gets coated on the inside with ice then it's not breathing at all, and you get more ice and more ice. The first year I did Iditabike, my jacket didn't breathe enough and I was basically riding in a jacket of ice. Finally I woke up and realized I had a problem and had to take it off, and I was actually warmer."

WHEN THE RAIN COMES: "Rain is hard to dress for. I'd rather ride in clear, 20-degree-below-zero weather than 35-degree rain. If I'm certain it's going to rain, I carry real rain gear that's waterproof and somewhat breathable. I've been wearing a North Face Activent jacket. It's the best rain-jacket I've ever used. It has a very fine balance between keeping water out and letting your body breathe, which is the whole key to being comfortable in cold weather."

LEGS: "The core to any winter ride I do is Polartec 200 tights. They have an amazing temperature range. The warmest I can ride in them is probably 50, and I would wear them down to something pretty darn cold, probably into the 20s. I've ridden with them beyond that, but I add a windproof layer. Something that's windproof retains heat even when there isn't wind (and anyway, even if there's no natural wind you make one when you pedal). My legs can be comfortable down to virtually any temperature. I've never had a problem with my legs getting cold, but I think it's the most critical part of your body to keep warm, because so much work is done there.

FEET: "In the rain, nothing's better than neoprene socks. They get wet but stay warm. But conversely, in cold, dry weather nothing is worse than neoprene socks. When it's a dry cold, I use a vapor barrier--I have special socks but a Subway sandwich bag works just as well. On your foot, you want to trap your body heat and body moisture, keep it close to your foot so your insulating layer doesn't get wet. I wear a thin, wicking sock, then a vapor barrier, then an insulating sock. I ride all winter long in the Lake MXZ 300--50 degrees down to severe cold. I can't stand shoe covers-they interfere with my pedaling--and you don't need them with the Lakes.

"The thing that's great for shoes if it is brutally cold is chemical heat packets. Those can be lifesavers, especially on road rides. Your feet aren't doing a whole lot of moving on a road bike, so you don't have much circulation."

TORSO: "Depending on the temperature I wear just a long-sleeve jersey--a plain old long-sleeve jersey--or the North Face Expedition-Weight Turtleneck. Over that goes a windproof shell and that's it. If it's around 30 degrees out, I'll wear a long-sleeve, thin cycling jersey with a shell jacket over the top and be totally comforable. If it's 20 degrees I don't add another layer, I just use a warmer first layer, the Expedition Weight. That's it. Keep it basic."

HEAD: "You can't completely cover up your face. As soon as you do it starts to build frost and creates more problems than it's worth. Keeping your face warm is difficult. Sometimes I'll have a scarf I can drop my mouth and chin under, and keep my nose exposed. That's about all you can do. I've made my own nose warmers sometimes, material that just covers the bridge of your nose but doesn't interfere with breathing. That works. Or there's the Alaskan method of keeping your face warm: Put duct tape on your cheeks and nose. That works, too.

"On my head, I like the North Face Windstopper hat. Windstopper Fleece is the best material I've discovered in years. It's a lifesaver. It's fleece but it has a version of Gore-Tex membrane in it that's only windproof, not waterproof. If it were waterproof then it wouldn't breathe and you'd have that moisture buildup inside again."

HANDS: "Windstopper gloves from North Face--they make my training so much more enjoyable. I do long rides in the winter. If I go for a six-or seven-hour ride and my hands are cold, it's a miserable day. I use the gloves for normal cold temps. If it's super cold, I switch to mittens and maybe have a thin liner glove inside of that."

DON'T START GOLD: "Another old piece of advice you hear about dressing for winter is that you should be cold when you head out the door and then you'll warm up and be just right. That's garbage. If you start out cold and have any sort of problem, a fiat or just want to eat, you're freezing in 5 minutes. I dress so I'm toasty warm when starting out, then if I heat up I ventilate. I think you're happier if you slightly overdress than underdress."

VENTILATING: "Take off your shell, or push up your sleeves. That's it. The main thing I do is push up the sleeves and basically turn what I'm wearing into a vest. It's amazing how much heat you can dissipate through your arms."

TO WICK OR INSULATE? "I don't get into all the nomenclature where every layer has a special name. I see people who are paralyzed because they can't find their wicking layer. But any good material is a wicking garment. Even a summer cycling jersey is made to wick. I wear something like that under, and then over it something to insulate. That's all you need to know. When I did Iditabike last year my insulator was the North Face Sentinal jacket, which is made out of Gore Windstopper Fleece."

FOOT ACTION: "When your feet get too cold, stop and walk. Or run. Pushing some blood through your feet like always warms them up. I use that in Alaska. No matter how cold it gets, if you can keep walking or running your feet aren't going to get cold."

Source: Mountain Bike

Find More Like ThisIt's Only Natural

My dear, what you need is "Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation," 234 delightful pages of scientific wisdom dispensed by biologist Olivia Judson in the guise of Tatiana, a sort of Ann Landers in a lab coat. "I've noticed I enjoy sex more if I bite my lovers' heads off first," writes a praying mantis. The good doctor responds: "Some of my best friends are man-eaters," then proceeds to explain why that's not literally true, while assuring the insect that her snacking is as natural an aphrodisiac as candlelight and Barry White tunes.

The "deviant lifestyles" detailed in Dr. Tatiana's fictional column by far eclipse anything we stodgy humans do. There are hermaphroditic sea hares who wonder why everyone else doesn't have orgies all day, an elephant whose nether regions have turned green and a spoon worm who's accidentally inhaled her husband. If your tastes are more ascetic, there's also a talk-show transcript starring a unicellular critter who--horrors!--forgoes sex altogether in favor of cloning. ("My ancestors abolished males," she says, cheered on by rowdy radical feminists in the audience. "They said they were better off without them.") Though the book is chock-full of technical footnotes, Judson says it's aimed at general readers "who are interested in sex," which should make it a quick best seller when it comes out in August. Easy to understand and hard to resist, it's sex education at its prime--accurate, comprehensive and hilarious. Your boyfriend will be thrilled. Just don't get too inspired and bite his head off.

The 9 Habits of Highly Successful Sleepers

If you have trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, you've got plenty of bleary-eyed company. Here, the best--and most up-to-date--advice on getting a good night's rest.

Marquez isn't alone. More than 60 million Americans--slightly more women than men--struggle with insomnia. Proof of its prevalence lines the shelves of drugstores, where bleary-eyed Americans spend an estimated $325 million each year on potions promising improved sleep. Add to that the $50 million spent annually on melatonin--the latest rage-- and you begin to see the magnitude of the problem. The good news: Scientists are beginning to understand the causes of insomnia and can now offer advice on remedies that really work.

Too Stressed to Sleep
Insomnia doesn't strike the same way each time. There's the fleeting type, which lasts only a few nights, and usually is brought on by stress, travel, a minor illness, or medications containing caffeine or other stimulants (see "Drugs That Disrupt Rest," page 88). Hormonal fluctuations can also cause transient insomnia. (In fact, they may explain why more women experience trouble sleeping.) One study found that premenstrual syndrome (PMS) sufferers spend only 5 percent of their slumber in deep, restorative sleep, as compared to the 15 to 20 percent logged by women without the condition.

Short-term insomnia lasts slightly longer--anywhere from more than a few consecutive nights to three weeks, or as long as the cause persists. It's typically the result of ongoing stress at work or home, pain from an injury, or the hormonal upheavals of menopause or pregnancy. Decreased estrogen levels cause 75 percent of menopausal women to awaken repeatedly with hot flashes and night sweats. Pregnant women are known to be light sleepers because of discomfort and an increased need to urinate during the night.

Transient and short-term insomnia aren't serious, but experts say it's important to nip the problem in the bud, because sleeplessness can be a self-perpetuating condition. It may even lead to chronic insomnia.

More than half of those with ongoing troubles have a physical ailment, such as heartburn; fibromyalgia, a type of chronic pain; sleep apnea, a condition that causes repeated interruptions in breathing during sleep; or periodic muscle contractions that cause the legs to jerk. But pyschological problems like anxiety or depression may also be responsible. For reasons doctors still don't understand, depression seems to make it difficult for people under 40 to fall asleep. In older adults, however, it manifests itself with middle-of-the-night or early-morning awakenings.

When to Get Help
Insomnia that lasts longer than three weeks warrants a visit to your doctor; he or she can help with minor bouts as well. Vet the majority of sufferers never seek attention. The reason is clear Most of us view sleep as expendable--even indulgent. Dark undereye circles are the merit badges of our hard-driving culture. These days, well-rested people are considered lazy and slothful.

But that attitude couldn't be more off-base. "Sleep is believed to be an active state, during which your body takes care of itself in a number of ways," says James Walsh, Ph.D., executive director and senior scientist at Unity Sleep Medicine and Research Center in St. Louis. "It's essential for physical and mental restoration."

Studies show that if you sleep just two hours less than usual on a single night, your judgment can suffer the next day. That's minor if all you're doing is picking out matching socks, but it's critical when you get behind the wheel of a car. Statistics show that drowsy drivers are responsible for as many as 300,000 car accidents per year (at least 10 percent of the total), 10,000 of which are fatal.

Too little sleep for just a few nights can make you cranky, unable to concentrate, and slow to react, and may even make you more susceptible to illness, because your immune system is rejuvenated during sleep. Furthermore, missing out on dream time may leave you less able to cope emotionally with daily problems.

How much sleep do you need? On average, most people require between seven and nine hours. Two people in ten can get by on six hours or less, and one in ten needs nine or more hours. If you doze off during ER, fall asleep within five minutes of hitting the pillow, and feel comatose when your alarm goes off, you're dangerously low on sleep.

Here, the best advice for developing healthy snoozing habits:

1 Adopt sleep-promoting behavior:

Get,up at the same time each morning and go to bed at the same time each night. Sleeping in on Sunday can leave you wide-awake Sunday night--and sluggish Monday morning.

Don't drink coffee or other caffeinated beverages after noon.

Don't smoke; nicotine is a stimulant.

Get regular exercise, which has been shown to cut in half the amount of time it takes insomniacs to fall asleep. Reserve vigorous exercise for the afternoon--between 2:00 P.M. and 5 00 P.M. is best--but not within four hours of bedtime. It's okay to take a leisurely walk after dinner, though

Don't eat a large meal within three hours of bedtime. But don't go to bed hungry, either; it can interfere with sleep. If you want a late-night snack, try some warm milk or a banana. Avoid fatty and spicy foods that can cause gas and indigestion.

Use your bed only for sex and sleep. "If you watch TV, eat, or work in bed, you run the risk of associating it with waking activities instead of sleep," says Paul Fredrickson, M.D., codirector of the Sleep Disorders Center at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL.

If you're tired, take a short nap in the early afternoon, but not after 2:00 P.M. Don't doze any longer than 30 minutes.

If you can't sleep after spending 15 to 20 minutes in bed, or if you wake up in the middle of the night and can't doze off again, consider getting up and going into another room. Do something dull, such as light housework, or read with a dim light. But don't watch television: The bright light has an arousing effect. Go back to bed only when you're sleepy.

2 Set aside "worry time." Dedicate a half hour or so of your evening to think through anything that's making you anxious. On index cards, write down each worry. Then, try to think of solutions. You may not come up with quick answers, but experts say that working on problems while you're awake can prevent them from bugging you while you're trying to sleep.
3 Practice relaxation techniques. Meditation, deep breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation, in which you tense and relax muscle groups, can be beneficial if your insomnia is caused by stress, chronic pain, or PMS. "Any technique that decreases mental and physical arousal helps facilitate sleep," says Dr. Fredrickson.
4 Use OTC medications sparingly. Most drugs touted as sleep aids contain antihistamines, which make you drowsy. "They're okay to use if you've had several bad nights and you're starting to get worried about it," says Walsh. But don't take them the night before an important presentation (or anything else that requires mental sharpness) because they can leave you feeling groggy. And avoid using them for longer than two or three nights in a row because you'll need ever-higher doses to benefit.
5 Skip melatonin. There's no convincing evidence that this popular hormone, which regulates the body's sleep/wake cycles and is sold as a dietary supplement, helps the majority of troubled sleepers. "One study found that melatonin worked for elderly people who no longer secreted much of the hormone, but for those still secreting it, the supplements had no effect," says Walsh. One exception: There is evidence that melatonin may ward off jet lag (see "How to Beat Jet Lag"). Keep in mind, however, that melatonin is not approved by the Food and Drug Administration, so you can't be sure of the quality or potency of the product you're buying.
6 Restrict your sleep. If you have chronic insomnia, try limiting the time you spend in bed to the number of hours you're typically able to sleep. (Note: If that amount is less than five hours, don't do this exercise.) After several nights; you'll be tired and ready to spend more time under the covers. Allow yourself only an extra 15 minutes in bed per night until you're spending at least 90 percent of your time asleep.
7 Take presciption sleeping pills as recommended. "Short-acting" sleeping pills, like Halcion (triazolam), Restoril (temazepam), and Ambien (zolpidem tartrate) are best for people who have trouble falling asleep. They help a sufferer doze off but leave the body quickly, which minimizes morning-after haziness. Long-acting Dalmane (flurazepam) is only for people who have trouble staying asleep--and for those suffering from chronic pain. But because it stays in your body longer, it will make you feel foggy the next day.
No one should take prescription sleeping pills for more than three weeks, because they can exacerbate insomnia, as well as lead to dependence, daytime sleepiness, and coordination problems.

8 Try other prescription medications. Only about half the drugs prescribed as sleep aids are actual sleeping pills. More and more doctors are treating sleep problems with antidepressants, antianxiety medications, and antihistamines, although none of these have been studied as insomnia treatments.

Still, low doses of antidepressants like Prozac (fluoxetine) and Zoloft (sertraline) can be effective. They're especially helpful when the underlying cause of insomnia is depression or anxiety.

9 Consider estrogen replacement therapy. This can help relieve the hot flashes that tend to disrupt sleep during menopause.

How to Beat Jet Lag
Travel can wreak havoc on your sleep--especially when you cross several time zones. But there are ways to ease the transition:

If it's possible to do so, put your body on vacation two to three days before you leave home. Gradually move the times you eat and sleep so they coincide with the time zone of your destination. Do the same thing on your way home.

Drink plenty of nonalcoholic beverages during your flight. A well-hydrated body adjusts to time changes faster.

When you reach your destination, immediately abide by your hosts' clocks. Eat when the locals eat, sleep when they sleep.

Use daylight to help you adjust to the new time zone. If you're traveling east, you'll want to sleep later than the locals. Don't. Force yourself to get up and go outside in the morning light, which will help your body reset its clock to the local time. Likewise, if you're heading west, you'll want to go to bed earlier than your hosts, so exposure to late afternoon light will "remind" your body that it's still daytime.

Take small doses of melatonin, a hormone that regulates the body's sleep/wake cycles. If you're traveling east, take one-half milligram (mg) of melatonin at 3:00 P.M. on the day of departure to trick your brain into thinking dusk is coming earlier. Take another dose at 3:00 P.M. (home time) the next day. If you're going west, take one-half mg melatonin when you wake up on the day of departure to prolong dawn. Then, take three mg at bedtime to stay asleep as long as the locals do.

G.G

Drugs That Disrupt Rest

To find out if medication might be causing your insomnia, check the label for amphetamines and caffeine, and read the package insert to see if it mentions potential sleep disturbances. Some of the most common culprits:

Painkillers

Decongestants

Diuretics

Asthma drugs containing ephedrine, aminophylline, or norepinephrine

Steroids such as cortisone

Prescription and over-the-counter diet pills

High blood-pressure medications called beta blockers.

Sex Advice: parents urged to keep talking

Parents should have continuing discussions with their children about sex, rather than rely on one embarrassing conversation to cover the topic, according to the chairwoman of the Crisis Pregnancy Agency.

Olive Braiden said parents needed to talk in an ongoing way with their children about sex, sexuality and intimacy.

"One talk just won't do it," she said. She was speaking at the introduction of a new DVD, produced by the agency, to help parents talk to their children about sex.

The DVD, You Can Talk To Me, was somewhat ironically titled, said Dr Marie Murray, one of the contributors. Though one might assume it referred to parents telling their children they could talk to them about sex, in fact it could also be taken to refer to teenagers telling their parents they could talk to them, said Dr Murray.

"One of the things that comes through in the DVD is that young people want their parents' input," she said.

Agency director Sharon Foley said the focus in the DVD was on communicating about sex, rather than the biological facts.

The agency yesterday also published the findings of four studies on teenage sexuality.

Teenagers were found to have learned about sex from a variety of sources - television, magazines, the internet, friends and their own experiences, as well as, though less so, from parents.

"The influence of friends emerged as a major factor in the decisions young people make about sex, relationships and contraception," said Ms Foley.

The studies found that boys were expected to display sexual knowledge and experience, and felt they could not ask about issues related to sex for fear of being ridiculed. Boys were also more likely to want sex to happen irrespective of whether there was a relationship of not.

Few girls associated sexual activities with pleasure but wanted to please their partner. For teenage girls the most commonly reported emotions after first sex were fear, disappointment and distress.

The DVD is available free from all public libraries and Citizens Information Centres.

Source: Irish Times

Orgasms Unlimited

Women's bodies are hardwired to have more than one feel-good explosion. Well, hallelujah! Here, we break down how to achieve that ultimate pleasure

"The average woman is built to come again and again," says Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD. coauthor of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. Meaning that once you've mastered that first peak, the climb to the next one is absolutely obtainable. "Women don't require a refractory period like men do, so we're able to stay aroused for longer and orgasm a second and third time with little effort," says Dr. Abrams.

Of course, sometimes just having a single full-body earthquake offers one hundred percent sack-satisfaction, and some of you might feel like calling it a night after your usual one-timer. That's fine. After all, having the option is the key to a smokin' sex life. However, for those times when you can't get enough of the good stuff, simply take these moregasm tips to heart (and to bed), and discover how to double your fun.

MOREGASM TIP 1 Don't Be Single-Minded
The first step in plural peaking: Tune in to the mind-body connection. If you go into a hookup with limited expectations of your orgasm, you'll actually cause your body to limit its pleasure responses. In other words, if you assume you can only come once during intercourse…you will.

The reason why understanding your frame of mind is so important? "After you've gotten there for the first time, rather than switching off mentally and sexually — which is what you do when you assume you've reached the finale — you need to remain expectant and open to further arousal," says Dr. Abrams. "It's all about knowing that your body is fully capable, even built, to experience deeper, longer, and more frequent orgasms."

Once you have the right attitude, the next step is making sure that you have some time on your hands. "One of the biggest misconceptions women have about multiple orgasms is that they happen by chance or that they're some sort of fluke," says Dr. Abrams. "But like anything else, they require a little effort and planning that you don't get from on-the-fly quickies." There's just no point in getting mentally geared up for all that extra action if you're not in the right circumstances to be able to enjoy yourself with your man.

o-o-o-o BRING IT ON!
And finally, make your guy privy to your mattress I mission…kind of. "He won't just get that you're in the mood for something more drawn out," says Dr. Abrams. But rather than putting the heat on him by mentioning the word multiple (can you say "cold sweat"?), deliver your bed buddy a carnal challenge he can get excited about. "Tell him that tonight you want to feel the slow burn. And to get that, you really want to draw out foreplay, and you have a few ideas for the main event too," says Dr. Abrams. This way, you create a situation where he's not only keen to please, but he's eagerly anticipating your direction too.

MOREGASM TIP 2 Step Up the Sexercises
Consider this your ultimate down-there workout motivator: Strong PC (pubococcygeus) muscles have been demonstrated to be a crucial component to having multiples, says Beverly Whipple, PhD, coauthor of The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. (Remember, when they're not making you moan, these Kegel muscles — which surround the vaginal canal — are the ones that enable you to withhold urine.)

O-O-O-O YEAH, I'M FEELIN' IT!
"Since your orgasm is essentially an intense contraction of your PC and pelvic floor muscles, strengthening them increases blood How to the area and enables you to experience a deeper pleasure sensation and a repeated series of pulses," says Laura Berman, PhD, author of The Passion Prescription.

By now, you know the Kegels drill: Flex the muscles until you feel them tighten. Release. Tighten again. But there's a tweak that will get more mileage out of your orgasm, and it only takes a minute. "It's called the Pelvic Connecting Crunch, and it's a more effective sexercise because it uses your transverse abdominals and inner thighs to engage the PC muscles and work it harder," says Herman.

Here's how to do it: Start by lying on your back with knees bent and feet on the floor.

Place something, like a ball, between your inner thighs. Engage your Kegels by concentrating on bringing them in, up, and back. Inhale, and feel the tension extend up your stomach and spine. Lift your head and shoulders slightly off the ground, and hold this position for 10 seconds.

O-O-O-O DON'T STOP NOW!
Once your PCs are in primo shape, you can use them to your advantage during sex. When the time is right, the moment you feel that first contraction of orgasm, "don't let it slip away," says Dr. Abrams. "Keep pumping your muscles in small bursts to draw out the wave and ere-ate momentum for the next series of orgasmic contractions." This way, you use your newfound strength to move beyond the initial climax and into the pleasurable realm beyond.

MOREGASM TIP 3 Max Out Foreplay
Now that you're naked (and in the right mind-set), take the heavy lifting out of your first peak. To do that, point your man south. "For most women, clitoral stimulation from oral sex is the easiest way for them to climax," says Dr. Abrams. "And having your guy help you get there before intercourse means that your body will be geared up to come again and respond to the added vaginal stimulation during sex, rather than still struggling to orgasm for the first time."

And even if you don't come during foreplay, don't fast-track the fun stuff: Your guy pampering you down there still paves the way for multiples. "If you're aroused slowly, then you'll stay aroused for longer, and unlike manual stimulation, his tongue is flexible, soft, and strong — the perfect tool for making that happen," says Dr. Abrams.

Ask him to caress you down there with his tongue for a minute or so before pulling away for a few seconds. Then, have him dive right back in. "Oral teasing techniques prime the body to expect that after each peak of sensation, another one is coming," says Dr. Abrams. "And it remembers that lesson when yon orgasm — after one, it'll stay in that prepped state for more stimulation, putting yon on the track to come again,"

MOREGASM TIP 4 Take a Mini Time-Out
Once you come for the first time, you're probably in the habit of pulling away from him because you're so sensitive to his touch. And rightly so: "After an orgasm, a lot of" nerve pathways have been stimulated, and there's been a tremendous surge in blood flow," says Whipple. "So it's completely natural for some women to want to take a break from stimulation in those moments immediately following."

But here's the difference between a sack session that finishes here with a happy ending and one that continues on to multiple peaks: II you fall into a stupefied pleasure coma, you're done. If you resume touching an area that is not hypersensitive, you bring it on.

To do it, "give the vaginal area a break for a minute, and have your partner suck your fingers, kiss you, or caress your breasts," says Dr. Abrams. "The stroking in other regions will keep your nerves and sensual energy on high alert while your nether regions cool off just enough to take his caresses all over again."

O-O-O-O MY GOD!
Remember, you don't want to entirely put the kibosh on intimate contact. Otherwise, you'll have to work that much harder to get to a heightened state of arousal. So keep up the caressing until you feel that hypersensitivity draining away and the heat returning to your moan zone.

MOREGASM TIP 5 Hit the Hottest Spot
Another common denominator that multiorgasmic women share: They know to bridge the gap from single to multiple by stimulating the G-spot, that sponge-like moan zone behind the pubic bone. Here's why: "While that area is highly responsive to touch, it's also strong and resilient enough to stand up to a lot of stimulation," says Dr. Abrams.

O-O-O-O DOUBLE MY PLEASURE!
As we said earlier, a good trick is to come initially from clitoral stroking. But then, once that area becomes supersensitive, move on to stimulate your G-spot to unleash the next orgasmic wave. Now that you're there, the best positions to milk (his feel-good sensation are reverse cowgirl and doggiestyle, which are good bets because they tend to stroke that area naturally.

To sweeten the pot, make sure you treat these positions as full-contact sports. That means having him fondle your breasts or trail his nails down your back as you ride him silly and creating constant contact by rubbing your clitoris against his body in a rocking motion in addition to thrusting.

You get the picture.

As for why this pleasure combo works like a charm, according to Dr. Abrams, the more areas you engage while stimulating the G-spot, the better. "One study found that women are more likely to have additional orgasms if they are stimulating several body parts at the same time," she says. "Your body never quite knows exactly what to expect next and is more likely to respond." Over and over again.

If you fall into a bliss coma after one, you're done. But resume touch in a new area and you'll bring it on.

Multiorgasmic women know that the G-spot is the key to bridging the gap from one climax to many.

THE TWO TYPES OF MULTIPLES
With the right combo of moves, it's possible to trigger one of these babies.

SEQUENTIAL MULTIPLES
A series of roller coaster-like waves that are 2 to 10 minutes apart

SERIAL MULTIPLES
Rapid-fire shots of pleasure with only a few seconds of interruption

YOUR BIG O PRIMER
This back-to-basics guide will refresh you on hitting the high note next time you're nude.

CLEAR YOUR MIND
Push out unwanted thoughts by focusing on something sexy, like how hot your guy looks in the shower, or conjuring up an image that excites you during masturbation.

GO SOL-O
Masturbation is perhaps the most crucial step to peaking with a guy. It allows you to feel out your climax triggers and then show them to your man.

LET HIM AT YOU
Don't be self-conscious about receiving pleasure and, more important, telling him you're not ready to move on if he tries to accelerate too soon.

USE YOUR PC MUSCLES
When you're close to orgasm, tighten and relax your Kegels. This alone can sometimes trigger a real orgasm.

STAY IN THE MOMENT
If you get caught up in "Argh, I'm not going to come" thinking, tune back into the physical by touching yourself.

KEEP YOUR POSITION
The key to climaxing is steady stimulation, so when you're almost there, hold off on the erotic acrobatics. Instead, stick with a position that's hitting your hot spots and stay there until you come.

Source: Irish Times

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advices

Do you get more letters from males or females?

Quite often males have the worse deal. Sexual cannibalism is an obvious example, particularly where the female eats the male before he's actually had a chance to mate.

If monogamy is so rare, how do black vultures manage it?

There are certainly opportunities for a bit of hanky-panky at a carcass. But black vultures don't like sex in public, and if a young and inexperienced vulture solicits sex there, he or she will be attacked by every other bird.

I've heard that females evolved to be prudish.

Total nonsense. In the last 10 years the data have started to become very, very clear: It's not just that females are promiscuous; it's that in many species they benefit from it.

How about males--is it always best for them to sow their wild oats?

Absolutely not. Often it's better to hang around and keep other males away. Or you start playing all sorts of tricks so the female uses your sperm and not someone else's: a secretion that seals off rival sperm, devices to scour the female's reproductive tract. Some are really quite monstrous.

So who's winning the war between the sexes?

Both sides are running in place as fast as possible, and nobody's actually getting anywhere.

I'm looking for a guy with brains and brawn.

A good old male elephant can probably get you both.

Do you have any advice for humans?

Have fun!

Let's Talk About Sex

Because the Web can provide instant, private access to searchable information, it should be an ideal resource for possible answers to a range of delicate questions (e.g., Why isn't my spouse more interested in sex? What's the best type of contraceptive for me? Is my fantasy normal? What should I tell my children about sex?).

Finding the answers can be difficult, however. Although some parents give their child a book when be/she is ready to learn about the facts of life, no parents would send their child unaccompanied to the Web to find the same information.

Of course, that's because the Web is not considered the best resource for legitimate sexual information; it is considered by many to be the World Wide Warehouse of pornography. TIME magazine caused controversy in 1995 with the publication of an article called "On a Screen Near You: Cyberporn." Citing the study on which the article was based. Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, who wanted federal restrictions on Internet content, announced on the Senate floor that 83.5 percent of 900,000 images studied on the Internet were pornographic. Many people vehemently denounced the statistic and the research methodology behind it.

The vehemence of the attacks is understandable. The Internet then was still a nascent mass medium, and users were quite rightly asserting its legitimacy. Misinformation about the Internet can lead to dangerous consequences when it's used to formulate federal policy. But the article and the controversy now seem like almost quaint episodes in the history of online information. Were people aghast at the idea of 900,000 pornographic Internet images? The Web now probably contains more than 9 million.

I don't want angry letters denouncing my methodology, so I freely admit my number is a fanciful guess. I have not done exhaustive research, but even if you aren't looking for the door to the warehouse, you can stumble into it. The warehouse is vast, and it contains not only hardcore sex, but also every fetish and perversion imaginable-and many that probably never even occurred to you.

And it's not just images. The warehouse also contains vast amounts of pornographic stories, messages, letters, and blog writings. Because there is so much of that type of content, many people worry it will be a tough task-difficult or harrowing-to find legitimate sex information without stumbling through the warehouse door. Fortunately, some sites can help.

We seem to be a little more comfortable with frank sex talk in our mass media if the person doing the talking reminds us of someone's grandmother. First, there was Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who promoted what she called "sexual literacy" on radio and television. You can find her sex advice on iVillage, "the Internet for women". That site offers Dr. Ruth's answers to questions on birth control, sexual health, dysfunction, and other topics.

The answers are part of a larger iVillage sex section, which includes information from other experts, message boards, quizzes, links to information on other sites, and such articles as "Three ways to unleash your inner hottie," "How can I get more foreplay from my husband?" and "Should I share sex fantasies with my spouse?"

Much information is available in categories including sex drive, technique, women's bodies, men's bodies, circumstance, complaints, and taboos. The site even offers workshops, which are "step-by-step lessons from experts." Workshop themes include "30 days of great sex," "Be incredible in bed: Four basic moves every woman should know," "Become a love goddess in 30 days," and "How to retrain your lover (and why you should)."

Another grandmother/sexpert is Sue Johanson, a Canadian nurse who dispenses wisdom to Americans on Talk Sex with Sue Johanson, a live phone-in program on Oxygen TV.

Her Web site offers an A-to-V (Anatomy-to-Viagra) list of information as well as sexuality news, a bulletin board, a bookshop, and reviews of sex toys.

According to an online note, Sue and the site's editors believe "all human beings have a right to honest answers about their reproductive systems, the same way that they have access to information about respiratory systems or any anatomical function. As far as we're concerned, the more information that one has, the better one is equipped to protect oneself from physical and emotional harm."

Johanson's focus on "anatomical function" might explain why its list of relevant online resources mostly contains links to sexual health sites. A more extensive list is available from the Kinsey Institute. Kinsey's links are divided into such categories as aging and midlife, sexual orientation, sex education, sex therapy, contraception and reproduction, sexuality and disabilities, and youth and parent resources.

As you might expect, the list is heavy on academic resources. If you don't find what you're looking for, try a search engine. I assumed that searching for the word "sex" or even a more specific phrase like "sexual health" would pull up mostly porn, but, by and large. Google returned links to legitimate sex information--at least on the first few pages.

You also might want to try Yahoo!'s list of sex sites. According to Yahoo!, one of the most popular places for online advice is Go Ask Alice, a Q&A service offering information on drugs, fitness, emotional health, general health, sexual health, sexuality, and relationships.

"Alice" is actually a team of Columbia University educators, healthcare professionals, and researchers from health-related organizations worldwide. The sexuality section of the site includes information on categories ranging from kissing to fetishes.

If you have a question you aren't able to answer through the site or other online resources, you can send it to Alice via e-mail. According to an online note, "All questions to Go Ask Alice are read, and a limited number are answered for future posting."

Of course, if you knew where to look, you could get sex information long before Kinsey or the Web were conceived. After all, the Kama Sutra was written in the fourth century. It probably won't make any conservative groups happy, but if you know how to search Google, you can find that on the Web too.

Ten-to-One…

Ten Travel Essentials

Friends; the ones that you trust, the ones that will never leave you or any of the crew behind — no matter what.
Knowledge of the place you're traveling so you can get the most out of your adventure.
Proper gear for the adventure (bike, dive gear, hiking/camping gear, snow gear, etc.).
Extra shoes, trunks, and a good jacket.
Video/photo camera with a filmer.
Computer with plenty of DVDs.
iPod, headphones.
Handheld GPS.
A good knife.
A plan "B", 'cause plan "A" will probably fail.

Nine Non-Riding Activities To Do On Trips

Whitewater rafting/ kayaking.
Hiking and exploring caves, waterfalls, and hot springs.
Spear fishing, free-diving, or deep-sea fishing.
Rent mopeds and shred the town.
Rent snowmobiles and shred the terrain.
Cliff jumping, snowboarding, glacier climbing.
Sightseeing local historic attractions.
Any cool activities native to the land.
Hunting; animals, fish, people — whatever your fancy.

Eight Best Countries/ States

New Zealand.
Alaska.
Fiji.
Australia.
Japan.
Vancouver, Canada.
Spain.
California; it's got every kind of adventure.

Seven Best People To Travel With

Dave Osato.
Heath Pinter.
Brian Kachinsky.
Glenn PP Milligan.
Colin Winkelmann.
Brandon Lillard.
The OG crew: Paul Luna, Jermey and Jonas Wray, Josh Kolbeck.

Six Best Trips Ever

New Zealand Samurai Tour 2004.
Alaska Samurai Tour 2004.
OG Crew Summer Southwest Tour 1995.
Jones Soda Huffman/ Birdhouse Tour 1999.
All the wHawk tours 2000, 2003.
Etnies tour 2002 with [Jason] Enns, PP [Milligan], Edwin [DeLaRosa], [Joey] Cobbs, and [Jeff] Z.

Five Problems To Always Prepare For

Running out of money.
Plan "A" going to hell.
Rain.
Oncoming traffic.
If you're in France, the French…just kidding.

Four Foreign Foods To Try

Kebabs in New Zealand.
Crepes from France.
Black pudding in England.
You should try at least one new food wherever you go.

Three Best Foreign Contests

New Zealand's X-Air.
England's Backyard Jam.
Vancouver's Metro Jam.

Two Types Of Souvenirs To Bring Home

Pictures.
A good cowboy hat.

One Place You'll Never Go To Again

Some places in Texas, Sometimes you just realize there's nothing to offer there, so there's no reason to go back.


By: Mike, Ride BMX

Advice to Children With Sleep Apnea

Wear That Night-Time Breathing Device! New Ways to Improve Adherence, Tolerance Needed

Wearing a special mask to bed helps children with sleep apnea breathe and sleep better, but a small, six-month study at Johns Hopkins Children's Center and two other pediatric hospitals suggests children aren't always using them consistently enough to reap the maximum benefits.

The breathing masks, which deliver a gentle, steady flow of air called positive airway pressure (PAP) therapy, significantly improved breathing and oxygen levels when worn regularly, researchers report in the March issue of Pediatrics. Parents also reported that their children had improved daytime alertness at school. Sleep apnea is marked by loud snoring and disturbed sleep caused by interrupted breathing patterns.

Despite improvements with even irregular use of the device, parents often say children are using PAP when the study shows they are not, says investigator Ann Halbower, M.D., pediatric pulmonologist at the Johns Hopkins Children's Center. Obstructive sleep apnea can cause learning, memory and IQ problems. Additionally, it affects breathing and oxygen levels, and while PAP therapy helps the apnea, the maximum benefits come only over time and with consistent use.

For the study, researchers enrolled 29 children between 2 and 16 years of age and instructed them to use the PAP masks at home every night. The 29 children underwent a baseline sleep study at enrollment, and 20 of them returned for a follow-up sleep study after six months. In addition, investigators surveyed the parents of the 20 children who completed the study to get their account of usage, and also tallied recorded usage data built into the PAP devices.

Comparing baseline and follow-up measures, researchers found a nine-fold average decrease in children's apnea hypopnea index (AHI), which represents the number of interruptions in breathing per hour. Oxygen saturation improved by an average 12 percent.

What this means is that with treatment, sleep apnea basically went from severe to mild or better, Halbower says.

It remains unclear how PAP therapy affects neurocognitive performance, even though parents reported improved alertness and dramatic reduction in the percentage of children who fell asleep during school at least once a week. Halbower cautions that these outcomes are based on subjective reports, and further studies are needed to document objectively the device's effect on neurocognitive function. There was no difference in reported academic performance, irritability or hyperactivity.

Comparing parents' reports and data obtained from the device's computerized meter, researchers found that parents tended to overestimate usage by approximately two hours. Even those who used the equipment every night only did so for an average of five hours a night, which is insufficient, given children's long sleep hours, Halbower says. In addition, 78 percent of parents told researchers that their children did not use the equipment every night.

The study did not address reasons for non-adherence to PAP therapy. Halbower says further studies are needed to examine reasons for non-adherence and to develop treatments for those children who cannot tolerate PAP.

Obstructive sleep apnea syndrome affects 2 percent of children in the United States. It occurs because of partial or complete obstruction of the airways during sleep due to anatomic and/or neuromotor factors. In children, the leading cause of sleep apnea is enlarged tonsils and adenoids, and the first line of treatment is surgical removal. If untreated, sleep apnea may lead to serious problems in later life, including hypertension, cardiovascular disease, diabetes and increased mortality.

The study's principal investigator is Carole Marcus, M.D., Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

Co-investigators included Laura Sterni, M.D., assistant professor of pediatric pulmonology, and Janita Lutz, both of Johns Hopkins Children's Center; Gerald Rosen, M.D., and Pamela Stading, M.D., University of Minnesota School of Medicine; Sally Davidson Ward, M.D., and Daisy Bolduc, M.D., University of Southern California School of Medicine; and Nancy Gordon, of Gordon & Associates, consultant to ResMed Corp, a manufacturer of respiratory medical devices.

The study was partially funded by ResMed Corp, the maker of the device used in the trial.

CONTACT: Katerina Pesheva, Johns Hopkins Medicine Media Relations, 410-516-4996, epeshev1@jhmi.edu

ABOUT: Founded in 1912 as the children's hospital of the Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions, the Johns Hopkins Children's Center offers one of the most comprehensive pediatric medical programs in the country, from performing emergency trauma surgery, to finding causes and treatments for childhood cancers, to delivering a child's good bill of health. The Johns Hopkins Children Center's Pediatric Trauma Service is Maryland's only state-designated trauma center for children. With recognized Centers of Excellence in 20 pediatric subspecialties including cardiology, transplant, psychiatric illnesses and genetic disorders, Children's Center physicians, nurses and staff provide compassionate care to more than 90,000 children each year. For more information, please visit: www.hopkinschildrens.org

Source: Ascribe Newswire: Health, 3/13/2006

The Green Thumb

Q. I know you say to leave a bare tree trunk alone, not to put any dressing on it. Years ago, lightning struck a maple tree and my father treated the split trunk with mud made from garden loam and water. He plastered the mud all over the wood and the tree healed over fast. He also put mud on a bee sting and the pain went away fast. If it works on bee stings, why won't it work on tree trunks whose bark has been gashed? Sometimes old-fashioned ideas and remedies work out for the best.

A. One thing we try to do is keep up to date on the latest developments. Painting tree wounds is a bad thing, plus a waste of time. Dr. Alex Shigo is a world authority on tree wounds and maintains dressing is not beneficial.

Q. My garden this summer was the worst ever. Do you think I should have the soil analyzed to see if something is missing?

A. It's a myth to think that something missing in the soil is the cause for poor growth. There are dozens of reasons why plants do poorly.

A plant will not suddenly wilt and die due to malnutrition. And it would be very rare to find a garden soil so low in nutrients that it could not support plant life. The truth is, more plants are killed from over-fertilization than from not enough.

Many factors can cause plant failure which are not revealed by soil testing. Note: A simple pH (acidity or alkalinity) test is very useful for the home gardener because it indicates if lime is needed. Here are some factors that cause plant failure which are not revealed by a soil test:

Poor drainage, especially in wet weather. Wet soils contain no oxygen, which is needed in greater amounts than other elements. "Wet feet" kill the root system.

Droughts. Plants are nearly 98% water and need lots of it for survival.

Insects and diseases are not detected in soil tests. Underground pests such as symphyllids can eat the feeder roots, causing the plant to dwarf and turn yellow. Sucking-type pests can distort foliage and spread viruses.

Indiscriminate use of weedkillers can affect plant growth, and soil testing does not reveal this information either.

The next time you have a house-plant problem, knock the soil ball out and examine the roots, and if you have a garden problem consider such things as water, drainage, insects, disease, light, temperature, and other cultural factors. If none of these reveal anything, then you might consider having your soil tested. It would be great if we had a single test that would tell you what's wrong with your plants, but we don't.

Q. We are a retired couple trying to make additional money raising strawberries. This year the fruit set was real nice, but they got knotty with a bunch of hard seeds at the end of the berry. We want to know what can be done to prevent this again.

A. First, the problem is no doubt due to an insect, the tarnished plant bug. The condition is also known as "catfacing," with fruit producing "nubbins" or hard seedy ends. We used to think this was due to spring frosts injuring the blossoms, but that's unlikely.

Q. I have a house fern with red berries on it and it's about 12 years old. Can I plant the berries? Also, how do I plant an elephant ear bulb? It came with no directions. Will it grow outdoors and survive winters?

A. You have an asparagus fern, not a true fern. Plant seeds in a pot or grow them outdoors. It's almost the same as the asparagus you grow as a vegetable, and is hardy outdoors. Red berries are on asparagus ferns. Ferns don't have seeds or berries, but asparagus fern is not a true fern. Start new plants by sowing seed in a pot of loose soil, equal parts of sand, garden loam, and peatmoss.

For the bulbs, we recommend the fancy leaved caladium. Plant bulb right side up, just the tip showing, using a soil mix of equal parts sand, peat, and loam. Grow in semi-shade.

Q. Years ago everyone had an "air fern" in the home. Where can we buy one today?

A. The plant you mention, "air fern," was not a fern, but a structure produced under water by an animal of the genus Bubala. Today, not many people grow them for their plume-like structure, which is normally green. They are harvested from the sea and dyed a deep green. They are not alive, thus require no water or any special care. Some variety stores still handle them, although they'll never be as popular as they once were.

Q. We have some earwigs and they get into rose buds. Is there any way we can get rid of them? Also, I heard they get into people's ears. Is that true?

A. Earwigs are a pest. They burrow into rose buds, making it difficult to reach them. Place a few-inch thickness of wet newspapers around the bushes. They hide in them. At the end of day or early in the morning, soak the papers in a bucket of water. It drowns them.

Some people do believe earwigs go into the human ear canal. A nurse once told us about the time she removed one from inside a man's ear. Perhaps the Forficula auricularia (latin for "ear forceps" or "ear pinchers") holds some truth after all. Don't worry about it if you sleep with ear plugs.

Q. Sometime ago, you mentioned in CR tricks for making a wisteria bloom. At that time I didn't need the information. Now I do. Please tell me how to make this stubborn vine flower. I heard baking powder around the base helps. True?

A. Save your baking powder for cooking purposes. Under normal conditions, all wisterias should bloom. Some varieties take their time and bloom later in life, others bloom earlier. (See our August 1998 CR column.) Sometimes flower buds are killed by the cold. Always use a grafted plant, since chances are better that they will flower better than seedlings.

If your wisteria is eight years old and does not bloom, try this: Dig a ditch around the vine, 11/2 feet deep, several feet from its base. Mix superphosphate with soil and return the earth (use five lbs. for each inch in diameter). This combined root pruning and superphosphate treatment helps both wisterias and the grafted base of any wisteria, since best varieties are grafted and suckers might take over. Wisterias need a rather poor soil, not the best. So, you might want to mix in a few coal or wood ashes. If your wisteria (also spelled wistaria) is young, don't be in a hurry, because this plant is stubborn and will bloom when it gets in the mood.

Having trouble with another ornamental, such as Hydrangea? Send CR a self-addressed, stamped envelope for our free bulletin "How To Grow All Kinds of Hydrangeas."

Q. Next year if you want a real good annual, try growing Godetia (Go-dee-sha). It's beautiful and lasts all summer long. You start it from seeds. Why don't people grow it?

A. Godetia (satin flower) grows 24" tall, flowers 3" to 5" across. Excellent for arrangements. Seed available separate or in mixed packages. Grow it next year, and you'll love it!

Q. We have a lot of slow-moving moths in our kitchen. These seem to come out of the cupboards. What are they?

A. These are Indian Meal Moths, about 1/2" long, creamy gray in color and not fast-moving. You can slap them in midair; that's how sluggish they are. They live in cereal boxes, flour, hot pepper jars, and just about anything else. The moth lays eggs which hatch into worms about 1/2" long. You'll see cobwebs where they hatch. They'll eat holes in paper, cardboard, and other things.

Where do they come from? If you're a bird lover, blame it on bird seed. They multiply astronomically in a bag of seed. They also come in on dry dog and cat food. They do not come from plants nor do they feed on plants. Control: Keep pet foods and human foods covered. Use a vacuum sweeper or fly swatter on them. Spraying is useless if you don't cut off the food supply.

Q. We don't have a garden but buy tomatoes from the supermarket all winter long. Should these be refrigerated or not?

A. Refrigerate store-bought tomatoes only if 100% ripe. Otherwise, handle them like "non-ripe" bananas. Store at 65 Fahrenheit to 75 Fahrenheit until ripe. They will have much better flavor and quality. Meanwhile, why not grow a few tomatoes in a window box or porch pot? the rewards will be big.

By: Abraham, Doc, Abraham, Katy, Consumers' Research Magazine

OFT Advices on Protection for Consumers Buying Home Improvements

As many home owners plan to make improvements to their properties in the summer, the OFT is highlighting the options available to consumers to protect themselves should something go wrong.

Tips for consumers

If you are buying goods or services costing over GBP100, consider paying by credit card. If you pay by credit card you can claim your money back from the card company if the seller fails to honour the contract, or if the item is faulty or if the seller wrongly describes it or if the supplier goes out of business (see note 1).
Consider making staged payments and keeping back a significant part of the cost of the home improvements until they are satisfactorily completed, particularly where work such as fitting is involved. This is so you can ask for defects to be put right without the need to make a claim or go to court for compensation.
Be wary of contract terms requiring full payment in advance, particularly for supply and fit contracts. Check the small print and only pay in full if there is a satisfactory independently-run pre-payment protection scheme, such as that run by Qualitas that will cover you if something goes wrong (see note 2).

Christine Wade, OFT Director of Consumer Regulation Enforcement said:

"It is important for consumers who are asked to pay considerable sums in advance for home improvements to be aware of the ways in which they can protect their interests. Going to court can be difficult and expensive, but these simple steps can provide consumers with some redress should things go wrong."

NOTES

1. Section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act 1974 says that a credit grantor is equally liable with the supplier for any breach of contract or misrepresentation if all of the following conditions are met:

the cash price of the item is over GBP100 but not more than GBP30,000
the credit agreement is regulated, ie generally where not more than GBP25,000 of credit is advanced to an individual (includes sole traders, partnerships and unincorporated bodies)
the creditor is in the business of granting credit and the agreement is made in the course of that business
the credit is advanced under arrangements between the credit grantor and the supplier, so that a bank overdraft arranged by an individual to pay for an item is not covered.

Section 75 does not cover debit or charge cards.

2. The Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts Regulations (UTCCRs) came into force in 1999 (superseding the UTCCRs 1994) and apply to standard contract terms used with consumers. The UTCCRs protect consumers against unfair standard terms in contracts they make with traders. The OFT, together with certain other bodies, can take legal action to prevent the use of potentially unfair terms. A term is unfair if, contrary to the requirement of good faith, it causes a significant imbalance in the parties' rights and obligations under the contract, to the detriment of consumers. An unfair term in a contract covered by the UTCCRs is not binding on the consumer. Ultimately, only a court can decide whether a term is unfair.

Undertakings under the UTCCRs were accepted by the OFT from B&Q, MFI, Limelight (now HomeForm, the parent company for Moben Kitchens, Dolphin Bathrooms and Kitchens Direct) and Magnet that they would use the payment protection scheme administered by Qualitas to address concerns about contract terms requiring full payment in advance of installation.

Under the scheme, consumers pay a deposit when they order the goods and the full balance just before delivery. But if they express dissatisfaction, either with the product or with the installation, the companies pay 20% of the cost in to an independent trust account administered by Qualitas and cannot access it until the complaint is resolved.

In 2003 the OFT announced that it would be carrying out a review of the Qualitas scheme to monitor its effectiveness. That review has now been concluded following the improvements made to publicity and customer information material by the companies concerned.

Qualitas is an independent standards body financed by members from the furniture and floorcoverings industries and overseen by an Advisory Panel whose members are drawn from the trade, consumer groups and trading standards services. Qualitas is part of FIRA (Furniture Industry Research Association). Qualitas has issued a leaflet for consumers who enquire about its scheme. http://www.qualitas.uk.com

Other bodies also provide varying degrees of protection for consumers through alternative dispute resolution or deposit indemnity schemes, codes of practice or approval under the DTI TrustMark scheme.

http://www.oft.gov.uk

Sexual Health

Sexual problems can be so complicated. Say, for example, you can only climax from oral sex. Is the problem physical (you need to try new positions during intercourse), psychological (you saw your parents making love when you were 5 and never recovered), or emotional (maybe you've never found a man who could make you feel comfortable enough to climax during intercourse)? Or maybe you're just normal, and most women can't climax from intercourse alone.

Q I sometimes have an while sleeping. orgasm while I'm sleeping. How can I possibly be climaxing without physical stimulation?
Psychological advice: "Everybody needs a certain amount of sexual activity, and if you're not getting it through interaction with other people or through masturbation, your bodies will `discharge' naturally. Once our conscious mind, with all its baggage--distractions, guilt, whatever--is disengaged, our fantasies (i.e., our dreams) take over."

--Dr. Drew

Medical advice: "You're probably responding to sexual fantasies in your dreams, just as you might respond to fantasies alone in waking life. Our sexuality, after all, isn't only about physical touch. In fact, the physiologic buildup of excitation that's ultimately released in orgasm can be triggered even by merely thinking of sex."

--Dr. Reichman
Q I haven't become sexually aroused in more than four years, and intercourse feels like I'm being speared. The total lack of desire is frustrating because I think about sex a lot. What should I do?

Medical advice: "You should make sure the problem isn't merely a matter of insufficient lubrication, which may be solved with more foreplay or by using an over-the-counter lubricant. Also, if you are taking an antidepressant--Prozac or Paxil, for example--it can make you feel dead from the waist down. If neither lubrication nor medication is to blame, see your gynecologist to make sure there's not something wrong in the pelvis that:s causing the pain--whether its endometriosis (a fairly common condition in which the uterine lining grows outside of the uterus), adhesions (an overgrowth of scar tissue following surgery), or rarely, perhaps a tumor."

--Dr. Reichman

Psychological advice: "People who experience ambivalence about their sexuality to the point where sex is overwhelmingly painful--those for whom the notion of sex is okay but the act is something unpleasant--often are survivors' of some kind of childhood sexual abuse. If you suspect or know that you are indeed a survivor, you can expect to continue having difficulty with intimacy for your entire life--unless you recieve professional treatment in the form of long-term psychotherapy. Of course, lesser childhood trauma (brought on by parents who have withheld love, for example) could cause a spectrum of difficulties with intimacy but probably not the total shutdown you describe, indicative of someone who was abused. The same can be said for a relationship gone sour: It can cause a women to have difficulty functioning sexually, but again, the dysfunction would probably not be so severe."

--Dr. Drew
Q My fiance's penis curves upward. How can we "straighten out" the problem so that we can experiment different positions without hurting him?

Psychological advice: "Penises turn and twist in all directions. In your fiance's case, you both have to accept that his penis happens to curve upward and that certain positions will be more comfortable than others. But the penis is flexible, as are your bodies. So all positions are possible if you adjust a little or raise here and there."

--Dr. Judy

Medical advice: "There is, however, a rare condition called Peyronie's disease, in which a curved penis--accompanied by pain on erection--is a symptom, but it afflicts only 1 percent of males and can be corrected surgically. So if your fiance is experiencing pain as well as curving, he should see a urologist. Otherwise, don't worry."

--Dr. Drew
Q I can achieve orgasm only by way of a man's hands or mouth. Anything can do about this?

Medical & psychological advice: "If it's any comfort, most women (the estimate is put at more than 50 percent) share your experience. One reason is that the finger and the tongue can stimulate the clitoris or G spot or other sensitive place more effectively than the penis can during penetration. But there are a number of bridge techniques that may increase your chances of climaxing during intercourse. While he's inside you, either one of you could use a finger for clitoral stimulation. Or you could get close to climaxing through foreplay and then, when he enters you, you could continue to stimulate your clitoris with your fingers while he does so peripherally by thrusting. That should do the trick. But remember: While it's often psychologically more satisfying to have an orgasm during penetration, sex is not only form of intercourse. Sometimes oral sex can be even more intimate."

--Dr. Judy
Q Is it true that my gynecologist will be able to tell that I masturbate?

Medical advice: "Not unless you're doing something really extreme that physically injures you."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "No. Besides, who cares? Every gynecologist I know feels that masturbation is merely a part of normal sexuality."

--Dr. Reichman
Q I was shocked to find out that my boyfriend had contracted crabs. His doctor said he probably got them from me, but I've never had them. Should I trust him when he says he hasn't slept with anyone else?

Medical advice: "Crabs are lice that inhabit the pubic region, and though they are often transmitted by body contact, they can also be picked up from things like bedsheets or towels. So your boyfriend doesn't necessarily have. have slept with someone else to have gotten the lice."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "And now that you know this is one of those sexually transmitted conditions that you are able to catch in other ways, trust shouldn't be an issue. I strongly suggest you stop obsessing about it."

--Dr. Judy
Q I've never had an orgasm--not even when I masturbate. Could the problem be physical?

Medical advice: "When women are not orgasmic, it's usually a psychological phenomenon. One exception is if the woman is using drugs--recreational or prescription, even alcohol--which can diminish the ability to have a sexual response. But ruling out drugs, and in the absence of a debilitating disease, chronic illness, or fatigue --any of which cut the ability to function on every level--I can think of no anatomical, physical, or organic condition that would prevent you from being orgasmic."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "First, realize it isn't unusual that you haven't had an orgasm, because an estimated one-third of all women haven't! Second, recognize that sometimes women have to learn to have an orgasm, so continue to practice by yourself on yourself, and don't hesitate to use a vibrator. If you're inhibited for any reason, there's a greater chance you'll be able to climax with a lover after you've become comfortable coming on your own. Mentally, many women stop themselves from going over the edge, over the top, when they're with a man. They reach a certain point where they get to the intensity of the feeling, and then they're frightened--fearful of getting too attached to the man or of losing control. Should you get to the point where you feel that fear, press on. Ask yourself, `If I have an orgasm, what:s really the worst thing that's going to happen here? Will I lose the guy? Will he think I'm a loose woman?' Gradually, you'll rationally eliminate your fears, and when you reach the critical point of teetering on the edge, you'll realize you have only something to gain here--nothing to lose. Meanwhile, allow yourself to feel the smaller sensations and to value them so that they build."

--Dr. Judy
Q I've recently married, and I'm not interested in sex. I just started a new job, and I'm always tired and stressed. What should I do?

Medical & psychological advice: "This is a complaint I hear from most career women. When you're under stress, all systems go down. You don't function the way you normally would. Stress can also affect your hormones, which can impede the arousal process. But the fact is, you must take time out to enjoy sex with your husband. Maybe you shouldn't try to do it during the week but decide that weekends are the time for lovemaking. It's a matter of figuring out priorities and schedules. What you need is a prescribed vacation."

--Dr. Reichman
Q My problem is the opposite of vaginal dryness during intercourse. Is there any way to reduce extreme vaginal lubrication?

Medical advice: "The first thing to do is make sure you don't have an infection that might be producing an abnormal vaginal discharge. If that's not the case and the secretions are solely due to sexual stimulation, there's nothing you can do about it. And rather than considering it an abnormality, my advice is simply to enjoy it."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "You should welcome the lubrication and never ever do anything that would reduce your excitement level. Think of it with pride--the way a man does when his penis gets harder and bigger."

--Dr. Judy
Q Every time I make love, I jump in the shower right afterward to wash off all that drippy semen. Isn't it unhealthy to have it sticking to my body? Or am I just being weird?

Medical & psychological advice: "All that drippy semen is not going to harm your health. I wouldn't say you're weird, but I am concerned that your behavior might imply you find lovemaking dirty and therefore jump into the shower to purge yourself, or that you might have some intimacy issues. I would recommend that you try spending 10 or 15 minutes after sex just cuddling with your partner and examining your feelings to see what comes up. If you can't tolerate the closeness--if you feel you just have to jump up and run to the shower--then something else is going on and you should consult with a therapist."

--Dr. Drew
Q Ever since my boyfriend bought me a vibrator, I find I can't climax without it, and I've completely lost interest in him. Is this normal?

Medical advice: "A vibrator is very good for clitoral stimulation In fact, many women have told me that it's better than the real thing, because you can set the speed and place it exactly where you want, and you don't have to tell it what to do--which many women have trouble doing. The truth is, no man can effectively mimic an electrical vibrating appliance, but why not double your pleasure by using it with him."

--Dr. Reichman

Psychological advice: "Maybe the loss of interest in your boyfriend is symptomatic of a distancing in your relationship; you're looking for an explanation and the vibrator seems like the most obvious one. So I suggest you examine the relationship. Maybe the guy was always only a source of mechanical pleasure. If that's true, consider the wisdom of continuing this relationship. Maybe you should end it now."

--Dr. Drew
Q I'm constantly badgered by my boyfriend to shave my pubic hair. He says that a bald pubic area sexually arouses him. Could this be a fetish? And isn't it unhygienic to shave "down there"?

Psychological advice: "Unless he requires that you shave in order for him to become sexually aroused or sexually functional at all, I don't think that what you describe would qualify as a fetish. It seems to me to be more an issue of personal taste and style."

--Dr. Drew

Medical advice: "Pubic hair protects the somewhat fragile lips of the vagina, and even the clitoris, from friction caused by our clothing. So you're losing that protection if you shave, but I don't feel it's a major health concern so much as a matter of personal comfort. I have several patients who shave, and aside from the occasional infected hair follicle or ingrown hair or rash from razor burn, it doesn't seem to hurt them at all."

--Dr. Reichman
Q My fiance and I have been engaged for three years. For most of that time, we had great sex, but now, during intercourse, my vagina feels like it's ripping apart. What could be wrong?

Medical advice: "If you're on the Pill, you may have developed a thinning of the vaginal mucosa. So first, I'd suggest you either try a pill higher in estrogen--low levels of which can exacerbate the problem--or switch to another means of birth control. Meanwhile, I'd give you an estrogen cream to use I locally and a male hormone cream called testosterone propionate to apply to the labia to thicken the skin anti protect it from tearing. I'd suggest avoiding Jacuzzis and hot tubs, because they drain the vaginal tissue of' its moisture, which can lead to further irritation. Also, stay away from deodorant soaps, and shower rather than tub-bathe for a while. Finally, abstain from intercourse until the hormonal creams have had a chance to take effect--usually at least two weeks."

--Dr. Reichman

Medical advice 2: "Also, get your gynecologist to do a culture to see if you have a strep infection of the vagina, which comes from the same bacteria that causes strep throat and can be passed to you by your partner through oral sex. It's common enough and very easy to cure with penicillin."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "If there's no medical reason for your symptoms, then you have to think there might be some emotional reason for the problem that could show up as painful intercourse--which is commonly caused by vaginismus, a spasm of the pelvic-floor musculature. Anger, depression, ambivalence, previous trauma--all these things can predispose you to it. If you're frustrated by the inertia of your relationship--three years of engagement warrants looking into--it may he brought out as vaginismus It may be time to he honest with your fiance about how you're feeling, or you may need couples therapy. Or, it may he time to move on."

--Dr. Drew
Q I had an abortion six months ago. Since then, my live-in boyfriend initiates sex only when he thinks I'm asleep. Is there a connection?

Psychological advice: "Yes. Men--women too--who initiate sex only when their partner is sleeping do it as a way not to confront the relationship. I'm sure this is related to the trauma of your pregnancy and subsequent abortion. Your boyfriend is withdrawing, and I think you need to get him to talk about what he's feeling. You must truly mourn together; otherwise, you'll never get back to having a natural, open sexual relationship "

--Dr. Judy

Psychological advice 2: "I agree that you and your boyfriend have to discuss the impact the abortion has had on both of you. He may literally be gun-shy--frightened of impregnating you again or traumatized and not able to overcome his anxiety. And you may have changed more than you realize. I've yet to meet a woman who didn't experience remorse, didn't feel the biological sense of loss and the depression that accompanies the hormonal changes of having gone from pregnant to not pregnant, let alone the psychological trauma brought on by what she's actually done. You may be reacting to all this by pushing your boyfriend away without even realizing it. You need to talk to him about these issues, and of course, he has to share his angst with you."

--Dr. Drew
Q I have been diagnosed with venereal warts. Are they serious? Can I pass them along to my boyfriend? If we have oral sex, can I transmit the warts to his mouth?

Medical advice: "Venereal warts are caused by any of 23 strains of the human papilloma virus (HPV) that can inhabit the genital/urinary tract. The more virulent strains (they number eight or so) are associated with cervical and vaginal cancer. Although there is no test for detecting the virus, these high-risk strains can be identified in women by a virapap test or HPV-DNA testing, either of which will he ordered by your gynecologist if a Pap smear indicates anything abnormal. Like so many viruses, HPV is silent, meaning it can stay in your body for years and years without ever manifesting itself In approximately 1 percent of the people who harbor the virus, however, it starts to multiply for Unknown reasons and forms little growths varying in size from pinpoint to the dimensions of a pinkie fingernail and in color from flesh-toned to reel to black In women, these often occur in the cells of the cervix and cause the precancerous changes that turn up in an abnormal Pap (which is reason in itself to have a Pap smear at least once a year)--in which case the affected cervical tissue is lasered or cut away. Or the genital warts can appear on the labia or rim of the vagina, and in men on the penis (often invisibly SO, especially if hidden by the foreskin). They can he removed with chemicals or laser or by freezing or cutting them out But though the warts are then gone, you will still have the virus;l it's in the body as part of' your vaginal flora (the bacteria and viruses that normally inhabit the vagina) There's no medication you can take to get rid of HPV, and you can pass it along to your sexual partner--and he to you--even in its silent state (although a hit more easily if the warts are present) unless he wears a condom. In fact, a recent report from the Department of Public Health identified HPV as the fastest growing sexually transmitted disease in the United States--to the tune of 1 million new cases diagnosed every year What's more, it's estimated that 50 percent to 70 percent of sexually active people will eventually be infected with one form or another of HPV--one shot of unprotected sex is all it takes It doesn't happen often, but the virus can also be transmitted by oral sex from the genitals of a man or a woman to a partner's mouth, where the warts, if they do develop, usually appear back toward the throat. And the virus--even after the warts are removed--could conceivably he retransmitted to a partner's genitals' again by oral sex."

--Dr. Reichman

Psychological advice: "Even so, you can still enjoy oral sex safely by using a dental dam, which is basically a sheet of' latex that you lay across your genitals to form a barrier against the virus."

--Dr. Drew
Q My boyfriend is just in his 20s, but once the first lovemaking session is over, it takes him a couple of hours to recoup for round two. What's wrong with him?

Medical advice: "Men have a much longer refractory period--the time before they can climax again--the do women, hut there's tremendous variation from individual to individual. There are men who can get an erection 30 minutes later and ejaculate again, and men who can ejaculate four times a day, and men who can ejaculate only once a day. So you really can't say anything is wrong if it takes your boyfriend two hours--no matter what his age."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "Why not just relax and let him set his own pace? Trying to make him feel pressured about getting hard and coming again is exactly what will sabotage him."

--Dr. Judy
Q I recently lost my virginity. Occasionally, I hurt to the point where my boyfriend can't enter me--especially during a particularly long "session." Other times, it just hurts but penetration is possible. And sometimes I bleed as well. What's wrong with me?

Medical advice: "There is nothing wrong with you. Some women simply have more of a hymen than others--the hymen being the soft tissue encircling the opening of the vagina that is usually broken when you first have intercourse--so there may be more sporadic bleeding and pain than usual. Also, some women have a low-grade vaginitis--similar to a yeast infection--and when the vagina is irritated by intercourse, the condition flares up, so that what's being perceived as painful intercourse is really a flare-up of vaginitis and should be checked out by a gynecologist. Then, too, some women go dry and the vagina becomes traumatized. But using an artificial lubricant like K-Y Jelly, or a new one called Astroglide, will usually alleviate that problem."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "You may have what is called selective dyspareunia --pain during intercourse at certain times and not others--and it could come from selective vaginismus brought on by your vagina's tightening up when you're not relaxed. One way to counter this problem is to use the mantra of "I am relaxed, I am relaxed," repeating it over and over to yourself while breathing deeply until you open up. You might also examine whether there are certain times when you're just not in the mood and your vagina is telling you so. Or perhaps it's tightening in response to your fears of getting pregnant or of not having an orgasm. There could be endless hidden reasons for your pain, so if relaxation techniques fail to work, I suggest you see a therapist for a short time to sort the problem out."

--Dr. Judy
Q It seems every time I have sex, I get a yeast infection. Could this be psychosomatic and in some crazy way associated with guilt?

Medical advice: "Yeast doesn't grow because you're guilty. When you become sexually aroused, vaginal secretions increase, which can change the pH--the acidity--of your vagina, making it more alkaline. This creates an environment conducive to the growth of yeast, which causes infection by destroying the `good bacteria'--the lactobacilli--normally present in the vagina. Some of my patients ask if douching with yogurt or taking acidophilus helps retard the multiplication of yeast. Contrary to popular belief, the answer is no--first, because the lactobacilli in yogurt are totally different from the lactobacilli in the vagina, and second, because acidophilus is easily absorbed by the vagina and therefore doesn't hang around long enough to have a local effect. All you can do is treat the problem--usually with over-the-counter antiyeast creams or suppositories--whenever an infection occurs. Even more effective is the relatively new pill called Diflucan, which is available in pharmacies by prescription and taken by mouth."

--Dr. Reichman

Medical advice 2: "It could also be that you've never really gotten rid of the yeast infection between flare-ups. Maybe you applied medication only until the symptoms went away but not the underlying infection--and then, once some irritant was introduced, it flared up again. That's a good reason for taking Diflucan--one pill, and the infection's gone in only three or four days."

--Dr. Cherry

Medical advice 3: "You should also be examined by a physician to make sure you don't have some illness that predisposes you to yeast infections--like diabetes or HIV."

--Dr. Drew
Q My boyfriend and I are both virgins and not yet ready for intercourse, but we've recently started having anal sex. Are there any particular health risks we should be aware of?

Medical advice: "You can get HIV from anal intercourse, obviously. In fact, it's a more common way to transmit the disease than through vaginal intercourse, which is why the incidence is so high in the homosexual male population, where anal intercourse is the norm. Intercourse is more traumatic to the anus than to the vagina because the anus is a smaller opening that doesn't self-lubricate and is easily torn. And it's these tears that allow the AIDS virus secreted by the penis direct access into the bloodstream. Being the receptive partner in anal intercourse makes you vulnerable to all other sexually transmitted diseases as well, so it's essential that your boyfriend use a condom which will also help protect him against the risk of getting a urinary-tract infection from the bacteria present in your rectum."

--Dr. Cherry

Psychological advice: "Why, I wonder, would you indulge in anal sex but not vaginal sex? Both qualify equally as sex. So it seems that you're holding to a very technical definition of virginity: not breaking the hymen. But in my opinion, whether anal or vaginal or oral, sex is sex, period!"

--Dr. Judy

By Robyn Brown, Allison Fabian, Caryn Kanare, and Erica Werner, Cosmopolitan

Handyman's Advices

By Mark Maloney, Pompano Beach, Fla.; Eugene Lauritano, Massapequa, N.Y.; David S. Yetman, Newburyport, Mass. and Bob Sorkin, Gainesville, Fla.

Tarp Helper
High bowrails can present a problem when you're covering the boat with a plastic tarpaulin for the winter. The tarp sags in the middle and collects rainwater, where algae promptly grows. A simple solution to prevent puddling is to tie a pool pillow on the deck prior to covering. The low-tech pillow plumps up the plastic, creating a promontory peak that cascades rainfall onto the deck and overboard instead of pooling it. A 3′ x 5′ inflatable pillow can be purchased inexpensively at any pool-supply store and will last for several seasons. It's faster and easier than building a frame and easier to store when the boat is recommissioned.

William F. Spliedt
Westwood, N.J.

Beat Heat

Every boater knows that engines get hot, and every owner of an inboard-engine-powered cruiser knows that the engine room gets very warm when the engine is used. But did you know that the engine compartment gets even hotter when the engine is shut down after a run?

As an engine is operating, the temperature is at least partially diminished by two actions: First, a considerable volume of air is consumed by the engine for its combustion process, and cooler air from outside is drawn in to replenish what has been drawn into the engine. Second, heat is removed by the flow of cooling water through the engine's heat exchanger. However, when the engine is shut down, both processes cease, and latent heat is trapped in the engine. There are enough BTUs present that, even though the power plant is no longer generating horsepower and heat, it can stay hot for many hours. Despite closed compartments and insulated decks, convection draws this heat into the occupied areas of the craft to the discomfort of those on board, and adds to the load on the air conditioner if you have one.

Gasoline-powered boats have an exhaust, blower to ventilate dangerous fumes from the engine compartment prior to starting up. This blower can also be used to remove hot air after the engine is shut down. Run it for a half hour or more, until the air coming out of the vent is noticeably cooler than when the blower was started. Even though the pickup for a safety blower is at a low point in the engine compartment, and it won't be drawing out the hottest air, it will help.

My diesel-powered trawler did not come with an exhaust blower; it was not required as a safety consideration with this type of fuel. But I still wanted to exhaust the heat from the boat after the engines were shut down. Diesels comprise a larger mass of iron and steel than do gas engines, and therefore constitute a bigger heat source radiating into the boat. So I installed not one, but two blowers on the overhead of the engine room, with their intakes just above each engine.

No duct was used on the intake side of these 4″ blowers, and the exhaust was ducted to new collector boxes and vents on the hull.

Mack Maloney
Pompano Beach, Fla.

Recycling Zincs

In the local waters off Long Island in New York, excessive galvanic action attacks boats moored in the water over the summer. Replacing sacrificial zincs on shafts, rudders, outdrives, trim tabs, etc., can become a costly problem. Years ago, I discovered a creative way of reusing the old zincs.

Drill a 1/8″ to 3/8″ hole through the middle of the old zinc. Attach a length of #12 or #10 stranded wire through the drilled hole with a nut and bolt. The length of wire should be long enough to reach from the stern underwater area to the grounding terminal on the boat. Attach the end of the wire in the boat to the ground terminal. You now have an extra zinc that, when placed near the shaft or an outdrive, significantly reduces galvanic action. As an added bonus, because of the now larger surface area of your sacrificial anodes, the new zincs last longer. If there is significant zinc loss, two or more recycled zincs can be used. A reminder should be placed near the helm station to remind the captain to remove the zinc and wire from the water before getting under way.

Eugene Lauritano
Massapequa, N.Y.

Secure Shackle

Tradition and common sense dictate that threaded shackle pins be safety-wired to prevent them from loosening up and falling out. But by its very nature, properly applied safety wife is very difficult to remove, so it's not the best solution in situations where occasional changes may be required. One case in point would be a rode shackle, where the ability to change anchors to match holding-ground conditions is advantageous.

My solution to the problem was to replace the safety wire with a stainless steel cotter ring (sometimes called a "split ring") which operates on the same principle as a key ring. Threading it through the shackle and the eye of the shackle pin results in a lock that is easily removed, yet is secure under all but the most extreme conditions.

David S. Yetman
Newburyport, Mass.

Durable Deck Bungs

One of the vexing problems involved in owning an older boat with teak decks is the maintenance of the teak plugs or bungs covering the screws that fasten the teak planks to the deck. As the teak deck ages and goes through cycles of use, cleaning and sanding, both the teak and the bungs wear thin. Pretty soon there isn't enough of a teak shoulder above the screw heads to hold the bungs in place. The problem is that the bungs are not simply cosmetic, but also keep rain and seawater out of the screw holes. Otherwise, water would eventually seep into the underdeck.

There are two conventional solutions to the problem: Re-teak the entire deck, or remove and re-countersink all of the screw holes, refasten the screws, and reinstall all the bungs. The former is very expensive and the latter is very time-consuming, since there may hundreds of these bungs. If the boat owner is willing to make a slight deviation from tradition, there is a third alternative: On many teak decks, the grooves between planks are filled with a black polysulfide caulking material. The same material also can be used to fill the bung holes. This expedient method takes a fraction of the time that it would otherwise take to replace a teak bung. It is easy to replace a few bungs at a time.

Once most of the bungs have been replaced with polysulfide, the result is a very neat look with black grooves and black dots. For long-term care of the deck, occasional sanding will keep the groove and bung caulking level with the teak.

Bob Sorkin
Gainesville. Fla.

MB&S will pay $35 to $150 for good ideas on boat and engine maintenance, repair and improvements. Please include a stamped, self-addressed envelope, telephone and Social Security number. Mail submissions to Boatkeeper, Motor Boating & Sailing, 250 W. 55th St., New York, NY 10019, or E-mail them to boatkeeper@hearst.com

Quick Tips

• Adhesive-backed Velcro is great for mounting liquid soap dispensers to galley and head bulkheads, writes Nancy Mills, who lives aboard her boat Summer School. Just cut a strip approximately two inches long and stick one to the bulkhead and the other to the soap bottle. This will keep the bottle from tipping over, even in the roughest seas. She also uses Velcro to secure the lower edges of picture frames to bulkheads.

• Jonathan Baum of New York, N.Y., offers a better way to set up fenders with center holes. Instead Of feeding the line through the fender, then tying a large knot in the end--only to find the knot wedged somewhere in the middle of the fender--or using a metal washer prone to rust, he suggests cutting a wooden washer with a hole saw, then drilling out the center to fit the diameter of the line.

• You can extend the life of the brake-drum cylinders of your boat trailer--even when you launch in salt water--by using a little WD-40, according to William Simmons of Downingtown, Pa. Every couple of months during the season, remove each brake drum and spray WD-40 inside the wheel, soaking the cylinder. "I know it's somewhat of a pain, but it's worth it," he says.

Letters

Q: I recently bought an old launch fitted with a 25-hp marine steam engine complete with boiler. The owner's manual that came with it says the hardware dates back to 1946. The boat and motor are pristine and look like they were built yesterday. When I fire it up for the first time, is there any special procedure I should know about?

Paul Arute
Marblehead, Mass.

A: I am an unabashed fan of steam power, especially out of respect for its net energy efficiency. The problem with owning a marine steam engine, however, is the simple fact that you must know exactly what you are doing or you can kill yourself. Not only are boilers notorious for exploding, they also leak. Consider that low-pressure steam measures 400 degrees Fahrenheit and is invisible. If your boiler has a pinhole leak, and you inhale the invisible steam, it will burn your lungs and you will die a horrible death. Yes, there are special procedures, and I recommend you read up on the principles of the engine, so you can prevent exploding boilers and leaking flash tubes. Doom and gloom aside, once you're in the know, you will have the time of your life chugging across the lake.

--TIM BANSE

Fifteen Easy Ways to Save Fifteen Bucks

Fifteen dollars isn’t that much, but it’s so easy to make minor adjustments like these, and doing them regularly can mean extra money to go toward debt, emergency savings, investing, or retirement. Some of these tips even let you continue to have a lifestyle that’s far from Spartan.

• If you’re a coffee drinker, brew your own rather than buy it on the run. If you have two cups a day at $1.50 each workday, that’s $60 over a month. You can buy a decent coffee maker, really good bean or ground coffee, and a Stanley stainless steel insulated thermos for about $45 and come out $15 ahead after the first month!
• Switch to water when dining out. Drinks are where restaurants make a killing, and after five dinners with your spouse/SO you’ll be $15 ahead.
• Try some generic brands on your next grocery shopping trip. It’s not hard at all to save $15 on a $100 grocery trip this way.
• Unless the movie absolutely needs to be seen in a theater, wait for it to come out on DVD and rent it. At $18 for two tickets, plus that much for popcorn and drinks, you can save $15 easily. Bonus: no stepping in dried puddles of sugary soda!
• Cancel a magazine that you don’t read anymore. The reduced visual noise is priceless.
• Head to the library rather than buy a new hardcover book in the store. Your mileage may vary depending on how well-stocked your library is. With new hardcovers $20 and up, you can read it for free when your library gets it. Besides, will you read it again?
• Get a $25 dining gift certificate for $10 at Restaurant.com. Your favorite restaurant may be in the network!
• Bring in your lunch for a week. Three dollars a day is doable, and it will probably be healthier.
• Try a water filter instead of bottled water. A Brita pitcher filter will purify about 35 gallons. With bottled water more expensive than gasoline, $15 in savings is a no-brainer.
• Drop extended cable TV service. See if you miss CSPAN2 and the Golf Channel.
• Take your kids to the park for a picnic instead of to Chuck E. Cheese.
• Bring in your snacks instead of feeding the vending machines. Depending on how much you normally eat at work you could save $15 in a couple of weeks.
• Visit a thrift store. People give away some really nice stuff! We got a bread machine for $5 that I know cost more than $20 new.
• Eliminate a couple of trips into town by planning ahead a little. $15 in gas is only about 100-150 miles now.
• Don’t buy flowers on your wedding anniversary. Just kidding on this one — sometimes saving $15 is very costly!!

Interview Myths

By Michael Spiropoulos

One important reason people fail at interviews is because of several misconceptions, or myths, about what really happens during the course of an interview. All of us know that the purpose of interviews is for an interviewer to hire someone who will perform well in a particular job, but beyond that few people fully grasp how interviews really work and what makes one candidate stand out more than another. This lack of understanding represents a major obstacle to maximising performance when sitting before an interviewer and trying to give your best answers. Interviews are no different to other endeavors in life: the better you understand how they work (or don’t work), the higher the probability of tackling them successfully. An understanding of the underlying dynamics inherent in most interviews is an important start to improving your interview performance.

Myth no. 1: The best person for the job gets it

Sometimes this is true—especially in a situation where everyone knows everyone else, such as when a company is recruiting internally. However, this is often not the case. In order for the best person for the job to win it, a number of very important things need to be in place (and even then, there’s no guarantee). These include:
• The interviewer knows what questions to ask and how to search for the truthfulness in answers. These two things may sound simple enough, but I can assure you that a large proportion of people conducting interviews have received no training, lack interview experience and often do not even go to the trouble of preparing for the interview.
• The interviewer is not taken in by the charm, good looks, great humour or any other aspect of the interviewee. This can be a difficult obstacle, even for experienced interviewers.
• The interviewee has learned how to clearly articulate their skills, key achievements and how they can add value to the organisation.
• There is no personality clash between interviewer and interviewee.
• Neither party is having a bad day.
Some employers—usually the ones who have been badly burnt by hiring the wrong people in the past—go to great lengths to set up professional hiring procedures designed to minimise hiring mistakes. Whilst some of these procedures are effective in improving candidate selection, they do not guarantee that the best person for the job will actually win it. In the final analysis, choosing someone for a job involves at least one human being making a decision about another, and no matter what we do to eliminate subjectivity, as human beings it is impossible to put aside our predispositions, predilections and personal preferences—no matter how much we may try to.
In an ideal world, the best person for the job would always win it; however, the reality is that it is often the person who performs best at the interview who wins the prize. The important lessons here are:
• Don’t automatically pull out of applying for a job if you know someone better suited for the job is also applying for it. If you go to the trouble of preparing properly for the interview, there’s a good chance that you may be seen as the preferred candidate—especially if the other person takes the interview for granted and fails to prepare.
• If you happen to know that you’re the best person for the job, avoid taking the interview for granted. Behave as though you’re 2 interview skills that win the job competing against formidable rivals. Take the time to prepare properly. Just because you’ve got a lot of experience does not mean you know how to convey this message at an interview.

Myth no. 2: Interviews are like school exams—the more you say, the better you’ll do

Yes, interviews are a bit like exams in so far as that you’re asked a number of questions to which you need to respond intelligently, but there the similarities end. Unlike exams, where lots of accurate detail is important, interviews are more about interacting and rapport building whilst simultaneously articulating smart answers. And a smart answer is often not the most detailed. In fact, long and overly detailed answers can drive interviewers to distraction, despite their technical accuracy. Knowing when to stop talking is a skill all successful interviewees have.
Also unlike many exams, there are often no right or wrong answers in interviews. We’re all different and come to interviews from different backgrounds and business sitations. What is important at an interview is to justify your actions and talk about your achievements in a confident manner.

Myth no. 3: Interviewers know what they’re doing

Some interviewers are very good at what they do, especially fulltime professionals (provided they’re not suffering from interview fatigue). However, many managers and owners of small businesses often flounder because interviewing is not something they do on a regular basis. Some sure signs of a bad interviewer are:
• They do most of the talking.
• They sound as though they’ve made up their mind about you in the first five minutes.
• They seem to pluck their questions randomly out of the ether.
• Their phone keeps ringing and they answer it. interview myths 3
• They sound like very sharp and less-than-honest salespeople when it comes to selling the job.
Some sure signs of a good interviewer are:
• They have their questions carefully prepared in advance.
• They want to know what you’ve done and how you’ve done it, including specific examples.
• They let you do most of the talking.
• They may want to interview you more than once.
• They will try to make you feel at ease.
• They are genuinely interested in your accomplishments, skills and the type of person you are.
Inexperienced interviewers generally don’t ask the right questions and can easily be swayed by factors that have little to do with your ability to perform in the job. So if you are being interviewed by an inexperienced interviewer, don’t wait to be asked a good question—one that will allow you to talk about all your wonderful skills and qualities. Rather, take the initiative in as unobtrusive a way as possible and talk about the things you feel the interviewer might really want to know. Unfortunately, this may not always be possible—especially if you’re being interviewed by a forceful personality who loves the sound of their own voice. If ever you find yourself in such a situation, don’t panic. Remind yourself that interviews are just as much about rapport-building as they are about answering questions. So nod your head, smile and make all the right noises—talkative interviewers love people who agree with them.

Myth no. 4: Never say ‘I don’t know’

Interviews are about making a positive impression by answering questions intelligently and building rapport with the interviewer. To this end, many interviewees feel that they have to provide the perfect answer to every question put to them, irrespective of whether or not they actually know the answer. Clearly, a great interview is one in which you can answer all the questions (and you should be 4 interview skills that win the job able to do so if you take the time to prepare correctly); however, if you don’t know the answer to something, it is better to admit to it rather than pretend to know and start waffling. Most interviewers can pick waffling a mile away and they don’t like it for a couple of very important reasons: first, it is likely to make you sound dishonest; and second, it will make you sound considerably less than intelligent.
You may as well not attend the interview if you give the impression that you’re neither honest nor bright. Trying to answer a question that you have little idea about could undermine an otherwise great interview. This does not mean that you cannot attempt answers that you are unsure of. There’s nothing wrong with having a go, as long as you make your uncertainty clear to the interviewer at the outset. Here’s what an answer may sound like:
I have to be honest and say that this is not an area I’m familiar with, though I am very interested in it. If you like, I’m happy to have a go at trying to address the issue, as long as you’re not expecting the perfect answer.
Or:
I’d love to answer that question, but I need to be honest upfront and say that this is not an area that I’m overly familiar with, though I’m very interested in increasing my knowledge about it.

Myth no. 5: Good-looking people get the job

I suppose if the job was for a drop-dead gorgeous femme fatale type in a movie, then good looks would certainly help, but for most other jobs the way you look is not as big a deal as many people make out. As we’ve already discussed, there will always be an inexperienced employer who will hire on the basis of superficial factors, but most employers are smarter than that. The claim that good-looking people get the job over plain-looking people makes one seriously flawed
assumption—that employers make a habit of putting someone’s good looks before the interests of their livelihood. All my experience interview myths 5 has taught me the contrary. Most businesses find themselves in highly competitive environments and employers are only too keenly aware that a poor hiring decision can prove very costly.
This is not to say that appearance and a bright personality are not important factors at an interview. It is very important that you dress appropriately and try your best to demonstrate all your friendly qualities. Good looks are certainly overrated in interviews, but an appropriate appearance and a friendly personality are not.

Myth no. 6: If you answer the questions better than the others, you’ll get the job

Being able to articulate good answers in an interview is very important, and failure to do so will almost certainly mean you don’t get the job. However, interviews—as we’ve already seen—are much more than just giving good answers. They’re also about convincing the interviewer that you will be a nice person to work with. To put it another way, it doesn’t matter how good your answers are technically, if the interviewer doesn’t like you there’s not much chance you’ll get the job (unless your talents are unique, extremely difficult to find or the interviewer is desperate).
So avoid thinking about interviews just in terms of answering questions correctly. Interviews are also about establishing rapport and trust, and whilst there is no fail-safe method in doing this, there are things you can do (and things you should not do) that will go a long way towards improving your skills in this all-important area of interviewing.

Myth no. 7: You should try to give the perfect answer

I’ve heard too many people stumble over their words, repeat themselves and talk in circles because they’re trying to articulate the perfect answer—or what they think constitutes the perfect answer. Some people are so obsessed with delivering the perfect answer that 6 interview skills that win the job they don’t stop until they produce what in their opinion is a wordperfect response.
Because we can never be entirely sure of what the interviewer wants to hear, some of us will keep on talking in the hope that we’ll cover all bases. The problem with this approach is that we end up talking too much, leading to the interviewer losing concentration—which, of course, is the last thing you need at an interview. The reality is that in most cases there is no such thing as the perfect answer. The lesson here is: it makes a lot of sense to settle for a good answer that gets to the point rather than meander all over the place searching for the elusive perfect answer.

Myth no. 8: You must ask questions to demonstrate your interest and intelligence

Many interviewees are under the mistaken belief that they must ask questions at the end of the interview. There seems to be a common belief amongst many interviewees that this makes them sound more intelligent as well as more interested in the job. This is not true.
Asking questions simply for the sake of doing so won’t improve your chances of getting a job. It could even make you sound a little dull—especially if you ask questions about matters that were already covered during the course of the interview.
Only ask a question if you have a genuine query. Acceptable questions include those relating directly to the job you’re applying for, as well as working conditions and company policies on such things as on pay, leave, and so on. Interviewers never mind answering questions about such matters, but they do mind answering questions they perceive to be irrelevant. If you have no questions to ask, simply say something like: ‘Thankyou, but I have no questions. You’ve been
very thorough during the course of the interview and have covered all the important matters regarding the job.’ There’s nothing wrong with including a compliment to the interviewer about their thoroughness and professionalism—provided it doesn’t go over the top or sound like grovelling.
interview myths 7
Two further points need to be made about asking questions. First, avoid asking too many questions. On the whole, interviewers do not enjoy role reversals. Second, never ask potentially embarrassing questions. These can include:
• a question relating to a negative incident;
• something that’s not supposed to be in the public domain;
• a difficult question that may stump the interviewer.
The rule of thumb is: if you think a question may cause embarrassment, err on the side of caution and avoid it.

Myth no. 9: Relax and just be yourself

Whilst it is important to be relaxed and show your better side, it is also very important to understand that interviews are not social engagements. Most interviews are highly formalised events in which otherwise innocuous behaviours are deemed unacceptable. In short, being your usual self could spell disaster (as contradictory as that may sound). For example, if being yourself means leaning back on your chair, dressing somewhat shabbily and making jokes, you might find yourself attending an inordinate number of interviews. Whilst interviewers like people to be relaxed, they also have definite expectations about what behaviours are appropriate for an interview—and you violate these expectations at your peril!

Myth no. 10: Interviewers are looking for flaws

The danger with this myth is that it can easily lead to interviewees adopting a defensive, perhaps even distrustful, attitude during the interview. If you believe that the interviewer is assiduously searching for your flaws, it will more than likely undermine your attempts to establish that all-important rapport and trust. It may also prevent you from opening up and giving really good answers. Rest assured that most interviewers do not prepare their interview questions with a view to uncovering your flaws. Questions are mostly prepared with a view 8 interview skills that win the job to giving the interviewer an overall or holistic insight into what you have to offer the company. A good interviewer will indeed uncover areas in which you are not strong, but that is a far cry from thinking that the interviewer is hell bent on uncovering only your flaws.
It is very important to treat every question as an opportunity to excel rather than being unnecessarily guarded. It is only by answering the questions that you can demonstrate how good you are. To treat questions as objects of suspicion makes no sense at all.
Understanding the myths surrounding interviews gives you a great start for success. Remember, interviews are no different to other endeavors in life: the better you understand their underlying nature the higher the probability you’ll tackle them successfully. An insight into common interview myths will arm you with the information you need to prevent you from falling into those disheartening traps.
Just as importantly, a clearer picture of the true nature of interviews better informs the rest of your preparation and will contribute to your confidence and performance.

Summary of key points

• The best person for the job does not necessarily win it—often it’s the person who gives the best interview.
• Interviews are more than just giving technically correct answers. They’re also very much about building rapport.
• Not all interviewers know what they’re doing; your job is to know how to handle the good and bad interviewer.
• It’s better to be honest and admit ignorance than try to pretend you know an answer and come across as disingenuous and less than bright.
• Good looking people win jobs—maybe in Hollywood movies, but on the whole, employers are keen to hire talent over superficial factors.
• Striving to give the perfect answer can get you into trouble. It’s better interview myths 9
to give a good answer that’s to the point rather than searching for perfection; besides, often there’s no such thing as the perfect answer.
• Do not ask questions for the sake of it. Only ask a question if you have a genuine query that has not been covered.
• Interviews are formal occasions requiring relatively formal behaviours. Interviewers will expect this and may react negatively if they don’t see it.
• Interviewers do not spend all their time looking for your flaws. They’re more interested in getting an overall picture of who you are. Avoid answering questions defensively. It’s much better to see every question as an opportunity to highlight your best points.

The Top 10 Languages Spoken In The World

10. French

Number Of Speakers: 129 Million

Often called the most romantic language in the world, French is spoken in tons of countries, including Belgium, Canada, Rwanda, Cameroon, and Haiti. Oh, and France too. We're actually very lucky that French is so popular, because without it, we might have been stuck with Dutch Toast, Dutch Fries, and Dutch kissing (ew!).

To say "hello" in French, say "Bonjour" (bone-JOOR).

9. Malay-Indonesian

Number Of Speakers: 159 Million

Malay-Indonesian is spoken - surprise - in Malaysia and Indonesia. Actually, we kinda fudged the numbers on this one because there are many dialects of Malay, the most popular of which is Indonesian. But they're all pretty much based on the same root language, which makes it the ninth most-spoken in the world.

Indonesia is a fascinating place; a nation made up of over 13,000 islands it is the sixth most populated country in the world. Malaysia borders on two of the larger parts of Indonesia (including the island of Borneo), and is mostly known for its capital city of Kuala Lumpur.

To say "hello" in Indonesian, say "Selamat pagi" (se-LA-maht PA-gee).

8. Portuguese

Number Of Speakers: 191 Million

Think of Portuguese as the little language that could. In the 12th Century, Portugal won its independence from Spain and expanded all over the world with the help of its famous explorers like Vasco da Gama and Prince Henry the Navigator. (Good thing Henry became a navigator . . . could you imagine if a guy named "Prince Henry the Navigator" became a florist?) Because Portugal got in so early on the exploring game, the language established itself all over the world, especially in Brazil (where it's the national language), Macau, Angola, Venezuela, and Mozambique.

To say "hello" in Portuguese, say "Bom dia" (bohn DEE-ah).

7. Bengali

Number Of Speakers: 211 Million

In Bangladesh, a country of 120+ million people, just about everybody speaks Bengali. And because Bangladesh is virtually surrounded by India (where the population is growing so fast, just breathing the air can get you pregnant), the number of Bengali speakers in the world is much higher than most people would expect.

To say "hello" in Bengali, say "Ei Je" (EYE-jay).

6. Arabic

Number Of Speakers: 246 Million

Arabic, one of the world's oldest languages, is spoken in the Middle East, with speakers found in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Egypt. Furthermore, because Arabic is the language of the Koran, millions of Moslems in other countries speak Arabic as well. So many people have a working knowledge of Arabic, in fact, that in 1974 it was made the sixth official language of the United Nations.

To say "hello" in Arabic, say "Al salaam a'alaykum" (Ahl sah-LAHM ah ah-LAY-koom).

5. Russian

Number Of Speakers: 277 Million

Mikhail Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin, and Yakov Smirnoff are among the millions of Russian speakers out there. Sure, we used to think of them as our Commie enemies. Now we think of them as our Commie friends. One of the six languages in the UN, Russian is spoken not only in the Mother Country, but also in Belarus, Kazakhstan, and the U.S. (to name just a few places).

To say "hello" in Russian, say "Zdravstvuite" (ZDRAST-vet-yah).

4. Spanish

Number Of Speakers: 392 Million

Aside from all of those kids who take it in high school, Spanish is spoken in just about every South American and Central American country, not to mention Spain, Cuba, and the U.S. There is a particular interest in Spanish in the U.S., as many English words are borrowed from the language, including: tornado, bonanza, patio, quesadilla, enchilada, and taco grande supreme.

To say "hello" in Spanish, say "Hola" (OH-la).

3. Hindustani

Number Of Speakers: 497 Million

Hindustani is the primary language of India's crowded population, and it encompasses a huge number of dialects (of which the most commonly spoken is Hindi). While many predict that the population of India will soon surpass that of China, the prominence of English in India prevents Hindustani from surpassing the most popular language in the world. If you're interested in learning a little Hindi, there's a very easy way: rent an Indian movie. The film industry in India is the most prolific in the world, making thousands of action/romance/musicals every year.

To say "hello" in Hindustani, say "Namaste" (Nah-MAH-stay).

2. English

Number Of Speakers: 508 Million

While English doesn't have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada. We'd tell you more about English, but you probably feel pretty comfortable with the language already. Let's just move on to the most popular language in the world.

To say "hello" in English, say "What's up, freak?" (watz-UP-freek).

1. Mandarin [Chinese]

Number Of Speakers: 1 Billion+

Surprise, surprise, the most widely spoken language on the planet is based in the most populated country on the planet, China. Beating second-place English by a 2 to 1 ratio, but don't let that lull you into thinking that Mandarin is easy to learn. Speaking Mandarin can be really tough, because each word can be pronounced in four ways (or "tones"), and a beginner will invariably have trouble distinguishing one tone from another. But if over a billion people could do it, so could you. Try saying hello!

To say "hello" in Mandarin, say "Ni hao" (Nee HaOW). ("Hao" is pronounced as one syllable, but the tone requires that you let your voice drop midway, and then raise it again at the end.)

Tips to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking

Do your knees feel like Gumby's when you have to get up and speak in front of a group? Do you feel like the next words out of your mouth are going to be the dumbest words ever uttered by a human?

Over 41% of people have some fear or anxiety dealing with speaking in front of groups. People who have this fear can experience all kinds of symptoms: Sweaty palms, accelerated heart rate, memory loss and even difficulty in breathing.

Everyone, even experienced speakers, has some anxiety when speaking in front of a group of people. This is perfectly normal. The best way to deal with this anxiety is to first acknowledge that this fear is perfectly normal and you are not alone. To reduce your fear, you need to make sure you properly and thoroughly prepare yourself before you speak. Proper preparation and rehearsal can help to reduce this fear by about 75%. Proper breathing techniques can further reduce this fear by another 15%. Your mental state accounts for the remaining 10%.

Few suggestions you should use to overcome your speaking anxiety. The first and most important of all is preparation. I like to think of it as the 9 P's: Prior Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance of the Person Putting on the Presentation.

10 steps you can take to reduce your speech anxiety.

1. Know the room - become familiar with the place in which you will speak. Arrive early and walk around the room including the speaking area.
Walk from where you will be seated to the place where you will be speaking.

2. Know the Audience - If possible, greet some of the audience as they arrive and chat with them. It is easier to speak to a group of friends than to a group of strangers.

3. Know Your Material - If you are not familiar with your material or are uncomfortable with it, your nervousness will increase. Practice your speech or presentation and revise it until you can present it with ease.

4. Learn How to Relax - You can ease tension by doing exercises. Sit comfortable with your back straight. Breathe in slowly, hold your breath for 4 to 5 seconds, then slowly exhale. To relax your facial muscles, open your mouth and eyes wide, then close them tightly.

5. Visualize Yourself Speaking - Imagine yourself walking confidently to the lectern as the audience applauds. Imagine yourself speaking, your voice loud, clear and assured. When you visualize yourself as successful, you will be successful.

6. Realize People Want You To Succeed - All audiences want speakers to be interesting, stimulating, informative and entertaining. They want you to succeed - not fail.

7. Don't apologize For Being Nervous - Most of the time your nervousness does not show at all. If you don't say anything about it, nobody will notice. If you mention your nervousness or apologize for any problems you think you have with your speech, you'll only be calling attention to it. Had you remained silent, your listeners may not have noticed at all.

8. Concentrate on Your Message - not the audience. Your nervous feelings will dissipate if you focus your attention away from your anxieties and concentrate on your message and your audience, not yourself.

9. Turn Nervousness into Positive Energy - the same nervous energy that causes stage fright can be an asset to you. Harness it, and transform it into vitality and enthusiasm.

10. Gain Experience - Experience builds confidence, which is the key to effective speaking. Most beginning speakers find their anxieties decrease after each speech they give.

More Sex, Fewer Strings

Summers are made for the sort of passionate yet casual romance that burns bright and fizzles out just before things get too serious. "The season has a natural beginning and end to it," says April Masini, author of Date out of Your League, "and the heat conjures up all kinds of steamy possibilities." Here's how to make sparks fly without getting burned.

GO WITH THE FLOW
"Flings let both of you retain your independence more than in a normal relationship," says Nancy Pina, author of The Right Relationship Can Happen. "If she really thinks it's short-term, she won't call you every day, won't talk about the future as much, and will make plans without you." You, of course, should do the same.

SET SMART BOUNDARIES
If you harp on the expiration date--"Just so you know, this isn't anything serious"--your message will backfire. "No woman wants to be reminded that you're not in it to win it," says Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.(c), a sex educator in New York City. Give her subtle signals that you're flying solo: Go stag to a wedding or invite a buddy when your parents come for dinner.

MAKE THE MOST OF IT
"You have to harness the heat if you want something memorable," says Levkoff. So seduce her on your rooftop. Or have sex in the woods. "She'll feel safe, because you're not just a one-night stand, and she won't feel as if she's ruining a long-term relationship by being kinky."

GO OUT WITH A BANG
She's leaving for another city or you're moving on? Instead of letting the relationship fizzle or pulling away from her emotionally, charge through to the end. "It gives you both a sense of closure and makes it easier to move on," Pina says.

Source: Men's Health, Jul/Aug2006

Sex and the Perfect Getaway

FOR A NEW COUPLE, THERE'S NO BETTER TEST OF COMPATIBILITY than that fateful first trip. There's much to be learned from seeing your sweetiemunchkins removed from her network of coping mechanisms and creature comforts. You may uncover negatives, like her packing 11 pairs of shoes for a weekend upstate. You may also discover a charming quality, like how cuddly she gets after one umbrella drink.

"When you travel, your companion is in your space all the time," says Patti Britton, Ph.D., author of The Art of Sex Coaching. "This kind of proximity magnifies everything: the sore spots and the sweet spots, the good, the bad, and the ugly."

U.S. couples go on 155 million romantic getaways every year. While some of these couples will end up necking in the lost-luggage office, others will find themselves at the precipice of an enchanting waterfall, arguing about who should carry the binoculars. Your journey should start With our step-by-step guide to travel for twosomes.

Step 1 Start smart
Don't be too ambitious too soon. "Early in a relationship, a shorter trip is more prudent," says Linda DeVillers, Ph.D., author of Love Skills: A Fun, Upbeat Guide to Sex-cessful Relationships. Long trips raise expectations, cost more, and represent a commitment. Unless you have a very good feel for her, put a 3-day cap on your maiden voyage.

Do: Spend a weekend in Vegas.

Don't: Go on a 2-week elk hunt.

Your best bet: Pick a spot that's no more than 4 hours away--half a day of livid silence on the way home is not fun. And opt for a place with plenty of activities to choose from. This way, if she's not a golfer, she can hit the spa while you hit some balls.

Step 2 Discuss great expectations
No, not the Dickens classic (although it's quite good). Talk about what you both want from the trip before you pack a bag. "This conversation doesn't have to be some big emotional thing," says Susan Moynihan, editor in-chief of Destination Weddings & Honeymoons magazine. "It can merely be a discussion of your dream vacation. She can say, 'I want to lie on the beach all day, then go have cocktails.' Then he can say, 'That would drive me crazy. I want to go kiteboarding all day, then go have cocktails.' Don't make an issue out of it. It's okay to have different interests. Other than cocktails, obviously, which are nonnegotiable."

Do: Have a lighthearted, enjoyable chat about your vision of the ideal trip.

Don't: Make it a tense summit meeting.

Your best bet: Meet someplace fun but quiet and keep the conversation casual. Concentrate on your expectations. Do you want to see the sights or spend the day on the beach? Must you spend every minute together, or can you split up for a few hours? How much time are you going to spend in the room (hint, hint)? What about shopping?

Oh, and one final do: Make sure you establish what the trip means. If you think you're going skiing and she thinks you're going to propose, things might turn ugly.

Step 3 Don't follow the reader
Many relationships have a natural leader who winds up making most of the decisions. If you just thought, Yeah, that's me, you're the one. If you just thought, Yeah, that's her, she's the one. Take this into account when planning, so neither of you winds up being dragged along on the other's dream vacation.

Do: Embrace democracy!

Don't: Expect her to understand when you skip the butterfly gardens because you want to get a good spot at the swim-up bar.

Your best bet: Identify the leader in your relationship. As a man, there's a strong possibility you are the leader. If this is the case, make absolutely sure your shy gal chooses her fair share of activities. Give her all the time she needs and encourage her to express her likes and dislikes. If she's reluctant to do this or gives you the ol' "Let's just do what you want to do," use your leadership abilities to coerce her into expressing herself. In other words, order her to give you orders!

Step 4 Don't mess around with money
Joy Davidson, Ph.D., the author of Fearless Sex, once went to Venice with a companion on a meals-included package. When she suggested exploring Venice's restaurants, "he couldn't stand the idea of wasting that money. I knew we had different outlooks on money before, but this really highlighted it. We ended up having a huge fight and spending most of our time apart."

Be frank about finances and split costs as equally as possible without allowing them to dominate the experience.

Do: Work out a system ahead of time.

Don't: Insist on being "The Man" and paying for everything.

Your best bet: "The best way to deal with it is to divide the payment by days," says Davidson. "For example, he pays for everything on Monday, she pays for everything on Tuesday, and so on. You'll end up spending roughly the same amount, but you won't have money overshadowing the good times every time you're presented with a bill."

Step 5 Go solo for an hour
You love your lover, but you also love it when she goes away for a while, right? "It's important to create some alone time in a way that's sensitive to your partner," Britton says.

Do: Go for an hour's jog on the beach.

Don't: Blow the day playing blackjack.

Your best bet: Take the pressure off. Split up, then reconnect to compare notes. Individual enthusiasms can be arousing. Or relax together with a room-service meal. Not every moment has to be life-changing.

Step 6 Steam up the hotel room
Hotel sex is one of the not-so-secret pleasures of travel. "There's a lack of responsibility in a hotel room," says Britton. Be irresponsible.

Do: It.

Don't: Not do it.

Your best bet: Pack something surprising in your suitcase--a toy, a DVD, or lingerie, DeVillers says: "It creates anticipation."

GRAPH: On vacation, she'll try (almost) anything

By: Connolly, Chris, Men's Health, Jul/Aug2006